I had a melt down in Ikea earlier this week. Like had shortness of breath and starting crying. Over a dresser. Let me tell you a secret, dressers don’t matter in the big scheme of my life. At all. But, the dresser was the last piece of furniture I needed before I went back to Bloomington, for my senior year, my last year at IU. That’s scary. For a 21 year old with no direction in her life, the idea of college ending is enough to induce a panic attack.
Post meltdown, I’ve calmed myself down a lot, but there’s still some anxiety. The thought of where am I going to be this time next year wouldn’t leave my head. I may be spending my last night at home (living here) tonight. And while I know I should be excited for my senior year, I can’t push the uncertainty out of my head. When I was a little baby freshman at IU, I had the stupid idea that by this time in my life, I would have some idea what I wanted to do with my life. Oh boy was I wrong. Three years later, I have some ideas, but nothing concrete.
So, what’s a girl to do? Well, the logical side of my brain tells me that I should figure it out. But then there’s the other side… I don’t know what I’ll call it, but it’s not very logical (this is probably the dominant side of my brain… I like feelings and people… not logic). As I was getting ready to head back to IU after Easter last spring, I was having a very hard time, but the Lord reminded me of something really cool. Hebrews 11 has long been one of my favorite chapters of the Bible; it talks about all the greats of Christianity – Abraham, Moses, Noah, Rahab and many others. The thing that’s striking about it, is that the author (who is unknown) starts a lot of the sentences the same.
By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. (Verse 3)
By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did. By faith he was commended as a righteous man, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith he still speaks, even though he is dead. (Verse 4)
By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death, he could not be found, because God had taken him away. (Verse 5)
By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of righteousness that comes by faith. (Verse 7)
By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country, he lived in tents so did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. (Verses 8 & 9)
I could keep going to verse 31, but for the sake of space, I’ll stop. As I re-read the words today, I got tears in my eyes. All of these people did what they did by faith. The first verse of the chapter defines faith, “now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we can not see” (Hebrews 11:1). Wow. This is the mindset and heart-set I want as I approach this year. I want to head back to Bloomington by faith and with faith that God is going to show up, not only this semester and this year, but with how to plan for next year and the next chapter of my life. I hope that the Lord will reveal this to me, but more than that, I know He’s good. He hasn’t failed me yet.