Sometimes, when I get discouraged, feel overwhelmed, or like I just can’t seem to make a difference, I think back to my freshman self, who was so eager to change the world. I wanted to change the Greek System, make into a place where sisterhood, brotherhood and philanthropy were the focus, not partying and popularity. As I set foot onto IU’s campus the fall of my sophomore year, I wondered if I could really change anything. I wondered if anyone actually cared about Jesus, or even about each other. This past week, through the recruitment process, I started to really reflect. Two years later, have I changed anything? I began to realize something – while I may have not changed a single thing, I’ve been changed.
I’ve been changed into a different woman because of how God has used Phi Mu in my life. My view of brokenness has changed. My view of myself as a sinner in need of a savior has changed. My view of Jesus has changed. My view of serving and loving others has changed. My view of compassion and what it looks like has changed. And I guess that’s the point. God’s purpose in me joining Phi Mu wasn’t for me to change Phi Mu, it was to let Phi Mu change me.
On prideful days, I start to boast in my head of all that I’ve done. On sad days, I start to feel like I haven’t done enough. But I remember back to Chicago and a conversation I had with my staff discipler. I can get so caught up in the doing, and she said to me, it’s not about doing ministry, it’s about transformation – being more molded into the image of Christ. Maybe I haven’t shared the Gospel to each of my sisters, but God has used my sorority to chisel away some of the yucky parts of my heart. He has used to point out sin in my life, and to test my view of and trust in Him.
So I guess the question I should ask myself is what would I be like without Phi Mu? I would not me. I simply can not imagine not having had the growth, the laughter and the tears that this place, these women and this sisterhood have given me.