Numerous times this year, I almost threw in the towel with Greek ministry. I was drained, I thought I needed to focus on myself, I doubted whether God was working and I believed my sin was going to break not only Greek ministry, but also the Cru movement. Tonight, I realized how big God is and I thank Him that He gave me the strength to keep going when times got rough. Had I walked away in October or in January, I would not have gotten to see what God did this semester… in my life and in the lives of many of my close friends. Walking away would have meant two things – 1.) God was not bigger than my own sin issues & 2.) God was not working the struggles for my good.
God can handle my sin. He can handle my doubt. He can handle my anger. They break His heart, but He can handle them. God showed me my sin and He showed me how detrimental sin is to community, but in starting to comprehend my own sinfulness, He allowed me to experience grace. When I started to experience God’s grace and God’s love, it enabled me to extend love and grace onto others. Because of the sin I dealt through – and still continue to fight – God gave me a story to tell. It was when I was so weak that I couldn’t do anything on my own that I realized God had been in control all along. Sin can tear apart community when we keep it in the dark, but when we confess it and bring it into our community of believers, He redeems it; Satan no longer has a hold on it. Satan wanted me to feel so much shame over my sin that I stopped believing God wanted me to lead or even be part of what was going on in the movement. However, God wanted me to bring my sin into the light and remember that He is in control, not me.
One huge lesson I learned over the course of the semester is that God works everything for our good. Not just the things done with pure hearts. Had I not been struggling to hold myself together, Satan could have convinced me that the revival I was seeing was based on my own work. However, because I saw myself in my true position to Christ … lying at the foot of the cross begging for mercy and forgiveness, God allowed me to experience fruit knowing He was the one who provided it. So often I think I’m in control and that my hard work is paying off, but it is God’s hard work, it is God working in and through my friends and me. God did the most work when I was oblivious to it. God answered crazy prayers that I prayed in July 🙂 God used my brokenness to remind me that He is in control and working everything for my good!
Tonight, hearing the lives committed and rededicated to Christ this year, and the growth in our Greek Bible Study community, I experienced a huge humbling and some true redemption. I had tears in my eyes just seeing how much God cares about each and every person on IU’s campus. This is not about me, or my sin. The beginnings of this revival have been about God and what He is doing through us despite us. I have seen each and every person in our bible study die to himself or herself this year and allow Christ to be in control, just the way I did in my own life. So thanks God for letting me be a part of it; thanks for giving me the strength to continue when I didn’t know how much more I could handle. Most of all, thank you for allowing me to see that You did work, You got You some and You’re bringing glory to Your Name at IU in the Greek system!