When It Doesn’t Make Sense

I did not think that I wanted to go to a state school. I looked at 13 different colleges and a majority of them were private universities on the East Coast. I planned each semester of high school dreaming of Boston College or Duke. All it took was one trip to Bloomington, Indiana during the fall of my senior year to realize that it was the place I would spend four years of college. It didn’t make logical sense. Ohio has plenty of great public universities (The Ohio State University), and yet I made the decision that felt right.

Baby faith and sororities do not usually go well together. Sticking to barely existent convictions in a place that encourages behavior in contrast to them does not make for a healthy situation. Except I learned to walk with Jesus in my sorority house. Each day I was challenged and a situation that could have broken my faith actually strengthened and defined it. It didn’t make sense and yet it was good.

I moved to Indianapolis to work at a job where I could barely make a living. At the time, I was not encouraged by opportunities for growth. After I accepted my job offer, I got two more, both that would have paid better. My dad called me one day over my lunch break and said, “Caitlin, do you know what you’re doing?” I faked confidence in my decision to move to Indianapolis, but at my core I was scared shitless that I had not put enough thought into this decision and I was about to walk into a really bad situation financially. Last week, after 18 months at my job, I wrote my own job description. This is not something that I thought would happen even this fall. The decision I made in July 2013, to move to Indianapolis, did not make sense. I was living rent free at my parents house with two job offers that would allow me to continue living there, and yet I did what felt right.

This year, I have talked with several families who are being obedient to the Lord in where they have decided to adopt from, or in timeline. Their decisions may not make logical sense. Yet I have heard each family say, “I just want to be obedient.” The life of faith often means making decisions that don’t make sense by the world’s standards.

Some leave well-paying jobs. Some move away from family, outside their comfort zones. Some take on ministry responsibilities they aren’t quite qualified for. Some plant churches in cities where the Gospel is desperately needed, but not necessarily desired. All out of obedience. There are times when God’s leading does not make sense. The world cannot and will not be able to understand, and yet, we obey.

Tomorrow is Good Friday. The day of the crucifixion, nothing quite made sense. The disciples and Christ-followers of the time knew Jesus had to die, but they could not understand why. Why now? Why this way? Why this man?

In the gap of Friday and Sunday, God gave no answers. I am sure to those in mourning, confused and heart-broken, those were long days. The logistics did not line up. And then Sunday came. It made sense again.

We live in the tension of Good Friday and Easter. Jesus has already come and died. He has risen again. He will come back for us. But for now, there will be things that do not make sense, and we will be led by the Lord to places that we do not yet understand. We may never understand.

The life of a Christian means we leap and hope God catches us. Because He will. He is faithful.

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