How To Be Friends With Your Spouse

Suzy and Jared Davis are two of my best friends. They’ve been married for almost five years, but prior to getting married, they dated for almost five years. So they’ve had over ten years of friendship, as friends first, then in dating and now in marriage. From the very beginning of their marriage, they’ve committed to building a life together, not just trying to live two separate lives alongside each other under the same roof. I asked them to share some of the practices that have helped them deepen their friendship within marriage.

Putting Your Spouse’s Needs Above Your Own

Suzy and Jared benefitted from knowing each other for a while before getting married. They both share how important it’s been to see each other at their bests and their worsts. Through unfortunate situations, they walked through grief and disappointment together, but that has allowed them know how the other responds to the difficulties. They have also been able to each one another at their best, and know how to work towards both of them thriving.

They’ve also spent time being a student of one another so that they can anticipate needs before they’re vocalized. This isn’t possible without a deep knowledge of each other, which for them has been cultivated through spending time together. Communication is also an important part of knowing each other; they’re quick to talk with one another and share about the highlights and lowlights of their days and weeks.

Establishing a Rhythm for Living

Early on in their marriage, Suzy and Jared worked hard to develop some healthy rhythms for weekly and yearly life. They enjoy cooking together, often run errands together and even share the responsibility of keeping their house clean. These weekly routines are helpful and can help make mundane responsibilities fun. Throughout the fall and winter, they enjoy Indiana University Athletics, and prioritize watching sports together. They also pick out their Christmas tree and go to the apple orchard each year. Establishing traditions throughout the year has made marriage more fun, and allowed them to look forward to things year in and year out.

Spending Quality Time Together

Whether it’s new adventures or picking a show on Netflix, Jared and Suzy prioritize spending time together. They’ve enjoyed discovering favorite restaurants in Indianapolis, walking their dog and going on bike rides. When one of them has time off work, they try to both take the day(s) off for outings around the city or day trips. When it’s possible, they try to avoid making household chores his or her responsibility and instead choose to work on tasks together.

Working Towards Mutual Goals

Suzy and Jared share their hopes and dreams with one another, which helps plan for their future. They do their best to pray through decisions, carefully plan and stay on track towards their mutual goals. They are committed to each other’s dreams whether that’s pursuing a masters degree or working towards staying at home with children. Being each other’s biggest advocate and cheerleader is important to them as a couple.

Advocating for one another for the Davises also means being a united front for friends, family and church community. They try to live lives that are intertwined, and that includes friendships. They share friends and value spending time with each other’s families.

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