Caitlin Snyder

Grace Says, “Stop Competing.”

Published on October 5, 2014 by Caitlin Snyder2 Comments

Growing up with a sister close in age to me, I always had some one to compete with. Even though we had different teachers, we had similar strengths and played the same sports. There was no getting away from sibling rivalry in our home. It always felt as though we were competing with and being compared to one another.

To this day, I still immediate engage in competition, small things and big things alike. If there’s a chance to win, it’s game on. The Gatorade commercial where Mia Hamm and Michael Jordan are taunting each other singing, “Anything you can do, I can do better; anything you can do I’m better than you,” can sometimes be the soundtrack to my life. The automatic ON switch in my brain has become detrimental to me. My mind creates competitions in things that should never involve comparison.

The desire to compete comes from a place deep in my heart that longs to believe that she is enough. Good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, holy enough. It’s as if winning, even at trivial matters, is an indication that I am enough. It’s a cry deep within my soul to be known, fed by insecurities of inadequacy and insufficiency. These insecurities drive me to compete with other people, keeping track of their failures and shortcomings, somehow believing that if I can be better than them, then I can prove myself as enough. My own insecurities and sin tendencies paint a picture in my head of me standing before Jesus and saying, “But at least I was better than her.” The constant competition operates out of a desire to prove something, perhaps even hoping to prove myself.

But scripture tells me that my worst fears are confirmed. On my own I cannot win. Instead, I am worthy because of Jesus’ life and sacrifice, because of His grace. It’s not about my own abilities or my being better than someone else, but the sufficiency of Christ. On my own, I’ll never win, I am the worst of sinners, but in Christ I am victorious. Because of Christ, I am enough. In Christ, I can stop competing; it has already been achieved in full. I cannot add to Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

Because of grace, I can stop competing because there was never a competition to begin with.

Places of Grace: Bloomington

Published on October 4, 2014 by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

I re-fell in love with running my senior year of college. I had a set 4 mile route that I would run a couple days a week. It had some hills, ran right alongside of campus and I sometimes saw people I knew as let my feet hit the sidewalk at my own pace. The running I did that year kept me sane as I served as Vice President of Phi Mu, Student Director of Cru Team, discipled five girls, started a relationship, job searched and fought to maintain friendships. I did my best thinking as dreaming down Henderson, up 3^rd Street, over on High Street, down Hillside and back over on Henderson to the Dollhouse on East University. I would finish my run, sit on the porch swing and drink some water as I cooled down. It was quite the routine.

On Saturday in September, while in Bloomington for the weekend, I parked my car at Bryan Park and ran the same route. I fought back tears as I praised God for the time I spent in the very special, hippie college town 60 miles south of Indianapolis, known as Bloomington, Indiana. God was undoubtedly present during my four years of college as I roamed campus.

It was in Bloomington that I began a relationship with Jesus.

It was in Bloomington that I had four different majors and graduated not knowing what I actually wanted to do.

It was in Bloomington that I lived with 100 girls under one roof.

It was in Bloomington that I first tried to do ministry and fell flat on my face.

It was in Bloomington that I unsuccessfully tried to convince 5 boys to consider me a roommate.

It was in Bloomington that my accountability group met in a bar and we talked about the highs and lows of our lives while making friends with our bartender.

It was in Bloomington that I started to learn the art of throwing a great party.

It was in Bloomington that developed an eating disorder and saw the Lord gracefully free me from the control issues that led to it.

It was in Bloomington that I experienced a little bit of love and a little bit of heartache.

It was in Bloomington that I developed an unhealthy addiction to polar pops, party tanks and monograms.

Bloomington saw the good, the bad and the ugly of Caitlin Snyder.

I drove down to Bloomington on the heels of six hard weeks. My life had been stuck in autopilot and in order to take control again, I found myself doubting and dreaming, often times simultaneously, but always to the point of exhaustion. As I inhaled and exhaled the crisp fall air along the route I have run close to fifty times, it started to sink in that even though I live in a different city, I serve the same God. I serve a God whose goodness cannot even be described. He loves me, even as I have left Bloomington and continue my life in Indianapolis.

Note: This blog post was written in September, but still fits in well as part of my October challenge to write 31 days on grace. When I think of Bloomington, Indiana, it is a place where I have experienced God’s goodness and grace.

Grace Through Roommates

Published on October 3, 2014 by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

A roommate of mine moves out today. Sadly; tears have been shed. I’ve learned to walk again living in our small apartment and it’s a huge testament to her patience and encouragement. She has let me cry over unmet expectations again and again. She has come behind me in prayer daily. She was the brain and heart behind the girls small group and study through James this spring, which changed by life and my friendships.

Grace comes when things fall apart and better things fall together. I did not see it as it was happening, but I can look back and acknowledge just how much I needed this past year. Living with this roommate in our partial lake view apartment has demonstrated Gods faithfulness and grace towards me. It is because of Gods grace that our friendship hasbeen able to blossom and we’ve had sucha great experience. Even when days, weeks or months were rough, we were met by grace.

God’s grace strengthened and sustained us in our jobs, relationships and life this past year. Because that’s what grace does. God’s grace is made perfect in our weakness and weak we are.

As she moves on to some big transitions, I made sure to remind her that grace will continue to strengthen and guide her. For those of us raised in moralism, grace can be hardest to give to ourselves. Sometimes, an encouraging word can be just what you need to silence the inner self-critic who speaks contrary to grace. Just as God’s grace ha led us to share sweet memories over the past year, the ways we’ve been able to speak grace towards one another has been so sanctifying. It’s when we engage in true, authentic relationships that we see parts of God that had not previously been known to us.

Grace Like Breathing

Published on October 2, 2014May 6, 2015 by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

Hi, my name is Caitlin and I’m a recovering perfectionist. I’ve learned to keep my room a little messy and try not to always plan out every single detail, but deep down in my heart, the expectations I place on myself can be suffocating. It started as a little girl and has manifested itself in so many ways over the years. As a 23 year old, I’m starting to learn just how deep the habit of perfection is rooted in my heart.

This month I’m creating space in my head and heart for grace. It is five-letter word that I like to think I love, but in reality, scares the crap out of me. Grace says that the striving for perfection tendencies that I have spent two decades clinging to should be throw on the ground and stomped all over. Grace says I don’t have to kill myself trying because it’s already been achieved. Grace challenges my lifestyle, my mindset and what I spent a majority of my years building my life on.

I know that following Jesus is worth it, and I can’t follow Jesus without letting grace sink deeper into my heart, which will in turn continue to challenge my default operation mode. In learning that this lifestyle I’m living – of achievement, comparison and constant rush – is contrary to the rich, full life that Christ has in store for me. The first step towards change is grace. Grace towards myself, which will empower space for grace to move more fully and permanently into the deep dark places of my heart.

Giving and receiving grace is as crucial as the art of breathing. So this month, I’m learning how to breathe again, so the air is getting where it needs to get and keeping my body functioning. Instead of urgent dog pants, I want a relaxed breath of peace. And it starts with grace.

An Introduction to October

Published on October 1, 2014October 2, 2014 by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

I spend about an hour in my car a day. Thirty minutes to work and thirty minutes home. I have always known that I struggle with road rage, but I’ve noticed that it is getting worse. Today, when someone was going under the speed limit, I got angry and thought some inappropriate things about the driver. A driver who I’ve never met and probably did not deserve to be on the receiving end of the unkind thoughts simply because I did not approve with his or her driving. There are a million excuses that I could make, but simply stated, I am in a constant state of rush in my life that I’ve become unable to live room for grace.

Over the next 31 days, the month of October, I’m going to be writing every day on grace. It may only be a couple words, or a quick reflection on a Bible verse, but this month, I want to better see the ways that God is weaving grace into the ordinary, every day moments of my life.

I am prayerfully seeking that the Lord would grow my patience and decrease the rush in my life. And if by Halloween, I get less angry when people don’t go the speed limit on I-465, it will be an added bonus.

Monday Lovin’

Published on September 30, 2014September 30, 2014 by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

My 13 year old brother made a public declaration that Jesus is the Lord of his life this weekend. Watching Jake get baptized was one of the sweetest moments of my entire life.

I spent three summers at my parents house in Cincinnati while I was in college. Since Jake is 10 years younger than me, he was a constant companion during those summers. I would take him on errands with me, take him to lunch and try to convince him to spend time with me, making up for the lost time when I was away at school. I used these summers to tell him all about Jesus. I practiced the sharing the Gospel with him and often asked him spiritual questions that were way over his preteen head. But somewhere a long the line, seeds were planted by me and countless others, God watered those seeds and now roots are taking form. Praise God!

He is learning at thirteen what I started to learn as an eighteen year old – following Jesus is worth it. There’s nothing else worthy of giving my life to apart from Christ. Jake has a long road ahead of him, part of me feels relived that I did not walk with Jesus in high school – high school is hard enough, but on the other hand, how comforting would it have been to know that I was enough for God as I walked through hard years of friendships and grades. Whatever age we come to be saved at, it takes a heart level change to realize that compared to following after Jesus, everything else is a loss. Jesus is worth it.

“Baptism doesn’t save you, it’s what saved people do.” -James MacDonald

Why Do I Care for the Orphan?

Published on September 23, 2014September 22, 2014 by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

This blog post is written in partnership with Show Hope, a movement to care for orphans.

Plainly, I care about the orphan because God cares about the orphan. The Bible is littered with examples of God’s heart towards the orphan and His provisions for them. He commands His people to care for the orphan, inviting all of us into the ways that He will be faithful to His promises.

More practically, I care about the orphan because I see the nourishment and support that a family provides. Each child, no matter where they are born – a small village in Africa, a slum in India, city in England or a suburb in the United States – is full of potential. There is potential for this child to contribute to changing the world, but their potential is increased or decreased based on their access to a loving family to protect and provide for them. Children are able to overcome insurmountable odds, but a loving family as a child’s first line of defense and first community only helps increase a child’s view of self and ability to positively impact the world.

The power of a family is not limited to the orphan. As I’ve transitioned into adulthood, my parents have supported me every step of the way, by forcing me to stand on my own two feet and not providing for me financially, by helping me test drive cars and make pro and con lists and by driving two cars to Indianapolis and spending a weekend moving me into my big girl apartment. They have come alongside me and believed in me even when I could not believe in myself. My parents, Sue and Mike, have solidified my belief in the value of a family.

Jesus was born into an earthly family. The Bible communicates that Mary, Joseph and his brother, James, all play significant roles in His life on earth and the ministry of the Church after His death. Even though He experienced the ultimate fellowship with God the Father, Jesus, too experienced the benefits of an earthly family. We do not know much about Jesus’ childhood, but one can imagine that His family helped shape and form into a man, even though He was God.

I care about the orphan because my heart is tuned to the marginalized. God has written them on my heart – I have a hard time hearing stories of heartbreak without my own heart breaking. Jesus hung out with those on the margins, and as a follower of Christ, I want to follow in His footsteps. Jesus sees the potential in each person, no matter where they’re born and if they’re born into a family or not. I want to be part of bringing God’s kingdom to earth and part of that is through caring for the least of these among us – including the orphan.

As the Outreach Coordinator for MLJ Adoptions, I am able to care for the orphan by sharing with prospective adoptive families what children without families may experience in their early years. I am able to speak about the success stories of families who have brought children into their home and helped them move from orphans to sons and daughters. It is the greatest privilege of my job to advocate for the world’s most vulnerable children. God cares about the orphan, He cares about their situation, He sees their potential, and He invites me – and you – into the story of advocating for their right to a loving family.

Monday Lovin’

Published on September 22, 2014September 22, 2014 by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

About six weeks ago, after a weekend of confessing that I was not experiencing much joy and living life on autopilot, I sat down and made a list of things that were life-giving for me. The list consisted of reading, writing, running, cooking, listening, encouraging and crafting. This list is in the first few pages of my journal. When I’m starting to be drained, I look back on the list and remember where to start feeling like myself again. These activities help guard against the numbness that I have confessed comes too easily and is too comfortable to me in this two job working, trying to balance everything season of life.

This weekend, I was able to do a little bit of everything.

I made a dinner with a beautiful friend and we shared what was going on in our lives and our hearts. I’ve been friends with her for five years and the conversations we shared on Friday may have been some of the best we’ve ever had. I’m thankful fro friends who go deep, talk about insecurities and don’t judge you when you talk about yours.

A run before dinner on Friday and a run around the Indianapolis canal on Saturday morning with a friend were the perfect ways to enjoy the fall weather that has descended upon Indianapolis. Despite the havoc that fall causes my allergies, I try to squeeze in some time outside in the mild temperatures.

My roommate gets married so soon, and Saturday we were able to celebrate her upcoming nuptials with one of my most beautiful showers I’ve ever been to. Her aunts, mom and sister created the perfect atmosphere to honor her full of delicious food.

Saturday while spending time with a great friend, we could not seem to stop talking about grace. Oh how thankful we are for God’s grace and the ways it is never-ending. I am thankful that He uses me to demonstrate just how much grace He gives. It’s been a hard summer, wrestling with sin, exhaustion and calling, but His grace has sustained me.

Sunday morning I woke up early to decorate the windows at work. It’s a tedious task, but when it’s all done, it looks good. It’s also a rare opportunity to really get to talk with my co-workers. I left the mall with some new burns on my fingers from the hot glue gun, but some fun memories of all of us working together to create.

This Monday, I’m lovin’ running, reading, writing, cooking, spending time with sweet friends and grace. I am praying that I can find small snippets of time this week to spend time doing these activities.

PS- I’m also lovin’ this new blog and spent hours over the weekend moving all my old blogs over. More to come about that experience!

Summer Reflections

Published on September 20, 2014 by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

As July winds down, summer is almost over. Which breaks my heart. Summer is a special season to me, full of wonderful memories spent at my grandparents’ house when my family came back from Japan for 8 weeks each summer. Summer is when it’s socially acceptable to eat ice cream for many meals. Summer sunsets are very special to me. It’s summer when I feel God closest to me, when I know that no matter what my heart is going through, it’s all going to be okay. And even though the summer isn’t quite over, no matter what this 75 degree Indiana day wants us to believe, I’d love to share about what I’ve learned this summer.

Busy is not a way to describe how I am. It doesn’t count. It may be true of my schedule, but it’s a cop out. It says that what I fill my calendar with is more important that who I am, which is a lie I’m trying to fight hardcore in my life. Busy has a negative connotation, almost to say that I’m a victim to the things I’ve said yes to. These things I’ve said yes to are good things – I need to quit making myself a victim to them. Working a second job is not something that has happened to me; I’ve made the conscious decision and I truly do love working there, I need to stop complaining and start celebrating. I am not and will not be a victim to this culture of busy. Yes, there are times when I may need to say no, or slow down, but that is not a reflection of who I am, simply of what I choose to do.

Adoption changes lives. It’s been a busy summer at work, and some evenings I’ve taken work home, or I’ve gotten up early to get to the office to get stuff done. I’m beyond thankful that I have the privilege of working a job that changes the lives of children in need. For older children and children with special needs, when a family chooses to adopt them, their lives are changed. In some cases, adoption means that a child gets to live. I love that I get to work in an industry that actually changes lives.

Goals are a good thing. I want to get out of debt and pay off my student loans. If you’ve met me in the past year, I’ve probably shared that I have a second job to pay off my loans, or how I can’t wait to be debt free. I’ve tried to put my money where my mouth is and get serious about paying off my student loans. I’m making progress and it’s so empowering! It’s silly, but I love being able to make progress and meet goals on something that I’ve decided is very important to me.

God wants me to be healthy. This means that I put good food in my body, make sure I’m working out enough and also setting healthy boundaries. It’s easy to want to say yes to everything, or be all things to all people, but God wants me to give the things I’ve committed to the best I can and this requires me to set boundaries. I also cannot fix people, I must draw a healthy boundary to love people well. Boundaries bring freedom. Emotional, financial and physical health bring freedom.

Those who were part of the early church were brave. I’ve been hanging out in the book of Acts this month and my mind continues to be blown at the ways the followers of Christ responded to God’s commands immediately. Incredible results follow radical obedience. I want to obey quicker, and with bigger faith. As I’ve been reading, I keep asking God to help me develop my “faith muscle”. Like with any muscle, I have got to work at it slowly and surely, even when it’s uncomfortable.

I’ve been reading my way through 2014 and this summer, I have enjoyed numerous books with a glass of wine sitting on my patio, or with my tumbler on the beach (the best place to read). Some of my favorite books of the summer are:

Behind the Beautiful Forevers (Katherine Boo), Deepening Community (Paul Born), Boundaries (Cloud & Townsend) and my new favorite book – The Ragamuffin Gospel (Brennan Manning). I highly recommend all of these books!

What have you learned this summer?

Monday Lovin’

Published on September 20, 2014 by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

After a jam-packed month of August, I forced myself to breathe this weekend. With clean sheets, freshly shaved legs and a rested soul, I feel ready to face the week with gratitude and enthusiasm. Instead of wanting to flip Monday morning off, I’m ready to greet her like a best friend because this Monday I’m lovin’…

1) Mexican food: Bakersfield lived up to all the hype. Margaritas, tacos and great time with friends was a perfect start to the weekend. A group of us met in downtown Indianapolis after work and re-connected. We’ve decided to make it at least a monthly tradition! What a great way to end a work week – wonderful food, tasty cocktails and beautiful friends.

birthdays

2) Two of my best friends celebrated birthdays this weekend. Oh how thankful I am for each one of them! Waking up in the morning and saying a sweet prayer to Jesus for putting them in my life put a smile on my face all weekend long. These two women have reminded me of who Jesus is, even during the darkness, hardest seasons of my life. Even when life is tough, and not meeting my expectations, I’m reminded that God sees, knows and loves me because of friends like these two. I wish I could have celebrated with each of them on their special days.

3) The Needtobreathe Pandora radio station has been my soundtrack for the past couple weeks. It’s full of fun, upbeat songs and some great Christian artists. I’ve loved listening to it in the background as I’ve worked and on long runs. It’s always fun to hear new songs and new artists that I wouldn’t ordinarily stumble upon myself. I highly encourage taking a listen!

4) I’m a summer girl, so as everyone gets excited about fall – fall clothes, pumpkin spice lattes and cooler temperatures – I roll my eyes a little bit. But, the color chartreuse (read: mustard) is a dominant color in the J.Crew fall color palate and I could not be more excited. I cannot wait to purchase an Expedition Vest in this super fall color! While the thought of party tanks, chino shorts, sundresses and flip flops going back in the back of my closet makes me want to cry, I am excited for some new colors to add into my closet.

5) I celebrated one year at MLJ Adoptions last week! I’ve loved working for this company that believes that children belong in families and is passionate about finding families for children in need. Over the past year, I have learned so many valuable lessons about advocacy, poverty, international relations, families, parenting and God’s love. I am thankful for the special stories that God has invited be to witness – stories of strong, resilient children being given a chance to thrive in a loving family environment.