Category: Authenticity

To Whom Shall I Go?

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

This week has been rough. Like super strugglebus, I just want to be off of it. There’s some sin that I want to see disappear, like have my brain not even see it as an option. As rough as it’s been, I’m feeling very much like Simon Peter in John 6. After Jesus makes numerous claims, many of his followers left him feeling like the expectations were too high. And let’s be honest, some days I feel the same way. Life is hard. But, Jesus turns to His twelve disciples and says “You do not want to leave too, do you?” and Simon Peter’s response is “Lord, to whom shall we go?”  (John 6:67-68). Right now I’m at my breaking point, I haven’t been able to stop crying, but despite the temptation, I’m not going to walk away because I have no where to go.

I have no idea what the next step in a lot of the crap I’m struggling through is, but I know that I am more loved that I can ever imagine. Despite the fact that I feel like I’m drowning, I know I serve a good God. I’ve seen His goodness, I see His goodness even on the days like yesterday and today when I can’t stop crying and because of that I can’t walk away. It’s only Tuesday and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and wish the week away, but that’s not what God wants of me right now. In all the crap, I’m having to depend on God in so many new ways, but as I told my discipler today, if this is part of God getting me to rely on Him for constant strength I take it. I’ll take the tears and the heartache if it makes God more famous and more exalted in my life. Even if I had the option of skipping the sanctification, I still choose it because as Simon Peter said, “To whom shall we go”?

My prayer is that I’m constantly reminded of my desperate need for a savior. I can’t do it on my own. Surrender is something that requires the Holy Spirit. Sanctification sucks. But that’s the only route I’m willing to take because Jesus said I’m worth in His brutal death on the cross. He chose me, so I’ll choose Him back. Even when it’s not easy. Even when praying and communion with Him means more tears. He said I’m worth it and I’m going to attempt to believe it, today and tomorrow … and hopefully the next day too.

Just As I Am

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

I came to Christ my freshman year of college, but I fell in love with Jesus this year. A lot of my freshman year was navigating why I was doing things I thought I had to do because I was a “Christian”. Sophomore year has be a year of redefinement. Instead of dressing modestly because that’s what Christians did, I realized that Christ wants me to have freedom to live life more abundantly; yes, in dressing modestly, I respect myself, I respect others, but I also respect Jesus, and my relationship with Him. Through exploring my relationship with Him, it has been impossible to not fall more in love with Him – His perfection, His forgiveness, and His unconditional love.

The beautiful thing about Jesus is He doesn’t want the made up version of me or you. He wants us just as we are. We don’t have to get our lives together to become Christians – we become Christians and a result, the Holy Spirit does His job and transforms us. I took my make-up for Jesus this year and realized He saw me beautiful without it – He likes me better without it. I love this about my Savior. He knows I’m not perfect and He doesn’t want me to pretend to be someone that I’m not. It isn’t always easy to walk around without my figurative make-up on, I feel like my insecurities are more exposed, but I am clothed with strength and dignity, and I can laugh at the days to come (Proverbs 31:20). Because Jesus and I have dealt through my crap together, and I am able to better contribute to a Christian community where my vulnerabilities are exposed. I have an invisible clothing – made up of Christ – He clothes me from the world, because I am confident in who He has made me, I can be confident in the way I present myself to others. My identity is not tied to what other people think of my make-upless self, or my crap, it is tied to my perfect Savior who desires me just as I am, completely aware of the crap I carry with me.

My prayer for me and for you this summer is that we be okay with our crap and can see past it and see Christ in ourselves. Christ sees us as beautiful, just the way we are. I pray that you can be in a Christian community that desires realness and authenticity. I pray that we can be confident of ourselves, without make-up on – like the broken little messes that we are. Christ loves us just as we are, so shouldn’t we love ourselves the same way?