Brattiness

This week, I started working at J.Crew. I love J.Crew, but at the end of my 7.5 hour internship, I’m usually not super excited about driving twenty minutes, selling and folding clothes for 4.5 hours. I knew that’s what this summer was going to be like, but I was in no way looking forward to it. The funny thing is, this has become the trend. I hear the Lord call me to something, I accept it, but then I stomp my feet the whole way there.

When I knew God was calling me to come home this summer and work two jobs, one unpaid, I accepted it. But I carried a chip on my shoulder. I ask God for opportunities to serve Him, but then when it’s not what I want, I throw a tempter tantrum. I even try to get myself out of it. The night I got home from Bloomington, I had a nice little breakthrough… I’m not home because it’s necessarily what I wanted to do. I’m home by faith. But that whole it not being exactly what I wanted to do doesn’t mean I get to cuss God out every time something is difficult. Me being home by faith is more than just the action of moving home, it’s the delighting in what the Lord has for me in this season. Even when it’s doing research during the day and folding clothes at night.

Last night, when I got to work, I was greeted by a friend who I truly enjoy and has a heart for Jesus. And less than 30 minutes into my shift, I was able to make a new friend who also loves Jesus, and spent the last 4 months serving in Africa. I chuckled a little bit as I surrendered my pride to the Lord. I was reminded how much the Lord loves me – He met me in my stubborn brattiness and reminded me that despite the pity party I had been throwing myself, He had been throwing a real party, I just had to leave mine and come to His. My prayer is that I stop stomping my feet the time because as I keep finding, this whole living by faith thing is work giving it my all, not just my half-assed effort because I’ve wasted the rest complaining.

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