For most of my life I’ve felt extremely out of place. When I was in middle school, I couldn’t wait for high school and then two years into high school, I was ready for college. I guess I was just ready to actually be in the world I was fascinated by. I wanted to live, not just talk about living. It’s been over the past couple weeks that I’ve realized that for the past year, I’ve actually been able to start living. I feel like the first 19 years of my life were full of the possibility of living life, but now I’m actually living it. And it’s better than I ever expected. It’s so neat to know that God is the ultimate story weaver. I was so paranoid and excited about all the opportunities that I never once stopped to think about the possibility that God could intricately weave them all together perfectly for me. I felt worried that none of my dreams would come true, even though my dreams were not really real things.
I can honesty say right now all my dreams are coming true, or that I’m at least confident that God is going to bring them all true, but the difference is that the dreams are different. My life, passionately following God and eliminating all my expectations, is better than I ever dreamed it would be. For the first time, I want to say in forever, but I think that’s an exaggeration, my heart is so content to be with God. I have many moments a day when this is not true – when my inner control freak and yucky sin rears its ugly head, but it’s neat to be an active participant in the story with trust that the Lord is working all things to my good.
The reason for this contentment, cheesiness and peace has been falling in love with Jesus. It’s been so neat to fall in love with my Savior – the author and perfecter of my faith! My inner control freak says that I should not be okay with this, but with my eyes focused on Jesus, I am able to take my hands off the steering wheel and let God control. I’ve read through Hebrews a couple times in the last 4 weeks and I become more and more fascinated with Jesus. He challenges me and comforts me; He restores and redeems me. Hebrews 10:14 says, “Because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.” This is a continual process, something that will not be completed until heaven. My eternal home and peace will be found when I return home to God, but for now, I’m just so grateful that the Lord has brought me to peace in my heart. A peace that is not based on my circumstances or my achievements, but on being in a personal relationship with the Creator of the universe. My God is the ultimate storyteller. He is constantly redeeming the unrest that my heart experienced for so long, right now – today! And He is going to constantly be remaking me until I get to return to Him. He is the center of my story and the writer of it & let me just say, He writes the most beautiful and creative stories.