I’m a planner. When I commit to something, I feel like I have to know the end result. That’s probably been one of the biggest stumbling blocks in my faith; I want to trust God, but I want to know what I’m trusting God to specifically do. But luckily, that’s not how God works. He works through giving us what we need, when we need it, not telling us everything or giving us what we want, when we want it. I’ve learned that I usually can’t handle what I want when I want it, and thankfully the Lord is sovereign over my desires and knows exactly what I need and when. It’s all part of His will – His perfect and pleasing will!
Back in November at Mugs and Muffins (a women’s ministry event), it was said that when we delight in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4). After that, I started praying for the opportunity to delight in the Lord. This was difficult because I like to be in the driver seat, plus I kept asking God, “how can I delight in You?” God has answered this question many ways in the past 3 months. I can delight in God by living in the freedom He sent Jesus to die for me to have. I can delight in God by taking steps of faith and watching Him show up. I can delight in the God by listening to great worship music and studying. Delighting in the Lord is not achieved by one specific action – it’s a mindset. Not only that, but when I am delighting in the Lord, I am joyful because I am letting Him satisfy all my needs.
Through delighting in the Lord, my desires start to line up with His desires for me. I am not as over eager to know where God will have me in 5 years, I just know that in 5 years, I’ll be right where He wants me. If God told me what I’m going to be doing at age 50, right now, I’d probably laugh and run scared. There’s a lot that’s going to get me there, but at age 50, it’s going to be perfect for me. God knows the desires of my heart, in Genesis 47 He tells Joseph, “I know my son, I know”. I used that verse to explain a lot of my pain first semester – the Lord knew what I was going through, every time I cried, He looked down at me and said, “I know Caitlin, I know”. He knows the desires of my heart, and He’s going to fulfill them in His time and in His way, which will be perfect for me. My creator knows me. He knows me better than I know myself – He knows what I’m going to need each step of the journey, He just asks that when I take my steps, I take them towards Him and with the confidence that He will fulfill my every need. He truly will give me the desires of my heart.