The first couple weeks of this semester, my life felt calm. Even though there were things that were crazy for a couple days, they were unexpected and with guidance from the Lord, they were resolved on are on their way to be redeemed. But aside from those couple struggles and trials, I felt bored. I felt like I wasn’t meeting with people, but I was still very content with God. I was still learning stuff, there was just more time for naps and television. In the past 4 days, my life has done a 180 turn. My planner looks like it did last semester again – I’m meeting with girls again and feel overwhelmed most of the time with everything I always have to do. I feel like Martha from Luke 10:38 – I’m busy preparing for Jesus and doing, doing and doing. I haven’t been able to just sit in His presence and cherish my Savior’s perfection.
This is going to be a constant struggle in my life. I love people. Like the rest of my life I just want to talk with people. The problem is I have a tendency to want it all. Each freshman girl I meet, I want to get coffee with and talk about life. I’m a very relational person, but sometimes I put other relationships over the most important relationship in my life. I’m not good at being patient or trusting that God’s working when I’m still. When I take a step back from constantly being on the go, that’s when God says, “well done my good and faithful servant.” He wants me to be at peace in His presence. When I act like a Martha, there’s a temptation to think that my actions and deeds are what’s making a change, not God’s goodness. Yes, my actions and my deeds can grow my faith, but they can also trick me into thinking that this story is about me, when it’s so NOT about me. It’s about my Savior dying for my sins. It’s about my Heavenly Father using me in full knowledge that I’m a broken little sinner, who’s going to mess up.
So my prayer for the rest of this semester, the rest of my college career and the rest of my life is that I can seek first His kingdom, and know that the rest will fall into place. I acknowledge that my temptation will be to want to do it all, meet with everyone and be constantly on the go, but the Lord calls me to enjoy His presence. He doesn’t desire me to be anxious, but to seek Him in everything. Jesus had 12 disciples, not 12,000 – He, with His Godly discernment, choose 12 imperfect people to invest in. In following His model, I will focus on doing what I can and trusting that they Lord is working even when I’m resting. Yes, this is a difficult task, and the world wants me to feel pressure to do everything and to be in chains to all the times I fail to live up to my own expectations, but I’m going to focus on my Savior, acknowledging the grace He died for me to receive.