Thankful

This past week I’ve found myself thankful for something that I never thought I would be. I’m thankful for singleness. I’m thankful that for the past 2.5 years of my life – since I came to know the Lord, I’ve gotten to do it at my own pace and my own way. I’ve had some wonderfully encouraging friends – both male and female – who have held my hand and guided me, but ultimately, it’s been Jesus and me.

Growing up, I was fiercely independent, out of having to be. My high school career was four years of doing things myself; I had great friends, but when push came to shove, I enjoyed my own company and didn’t trust many people. When I came to IU, I was forced to rely on others and I lost myself in my friends and who I thought they wanted me to be. Going Greek was probably the best decision I’ve ever made because Phi Mu has taught me to just be me. I have best friends in my sorority and best friends who aren’t, but I’m the only me. I’m the other person who has the exact experiences that I have.

This fall, I’ve re-discovered what it feels like to be independent and I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t always does a good job at it, but it’s also forced me to start thinking about what I want. What dreams do I have? What experiences do I want to have? I know it’s up to God, the hands are open for Him to give and take me what He wants, but I’m just enjoying creating me, Caitlin Snyder. There have been so many times in the past 2 years that I’ve taken matters into my own hands thinking that I know what’s best for me, but God is sovereign and thankfully hasn’t let my will prevail over His. And now I see why. Because God has wanted me to be thankful for the woman He has created me to be. It’s easy to be thankful for others – you usually get to see them at their best. It’s been a hard year to be thankful for myself. I’m a sinner. I’m a doubter. I’m a skeptic. But He still loves me; He gave me quirks. It’s about time I start to be thankful for myself and the fact that God has given me time to discover who I am.

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