Category: Faith

Ah-Ha Moments

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

When I thought about coming on project, I imagined quiet times everyday that would make me cry. The painful refinement, a lot of “ah-ha moments” – the ones when things finally make sense, and constant visible growth. Two weeks later, I haven’t cried, I haven’t felt the painful refinement, but today at church, I had one of those “ah-ha moments”. Let me explain. I have certain behaviors that lead me very easily into sin issues. When I’m in a group of people – especially mixed gender groups – I tend to compete with the girls. I like to be the center of attention. It’s not always overtly obvious, but that’s usually my heart’s desire. This tendency gets me in trouble. If I’m not the center of attention, resentment builds towards the person who is. In the past, I would then usually gossip about this person, thinking it made me look better. Oh goodness. In the past year, I’ve seen growth in this area. The gossip has decreased, but the feelings still exist. Those feelings can hold me captive and put me in bondage.

Today, at church, we were singing the song that includes the lines, “On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand”. For some reason, I started to have one of those “ah-ha moments”. When I constantly compare myself to others, I sink in the sand – I sink into entitlement, pride and self-centeredness. However, when I stand on Christ, or choose to believe what He says is true about me, I choose to believe the best in others. I see others as greater than myself – I’m not the center of the story, He is the center of the story, I’m simply a small part. Further, God doesn’t just want me to stop gossiping, or not vocalizing these feelings, He wants me to completely break free of the desire to compare myself to others. He wants me to remember that even when I’m not the center of attention, or if I’m never the center of attention again, He still loves me. He calls me His daughter, He loves me, and He is pleased with me.

I don’t really like this verse, but it always seems so applicable to my life, including now; Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”. The renewing of our minds is what transforms us. In my current struggle, as I ask God to change my mindset, and renew my mind, my behavior and feelings will start to be transformed. If I just fake it, true transformation does not occur. This is a continual, never-ending process. When I get down on myself, I ask God to remind me where He’s brought me from, and He reminds me that no matter where I am in this process, He is well-pleased with me.

It’s Not Really About Me

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

I came into summer project in Chicago with a pretty set view of what I thought my job would be. I thought that I would get a job in the first week, I’m marketable after all, and that this job would most likely be in retail. Fast-forward less than 2 weeks, and I was fighting with God about going to an open interview at a Dunkin’ Donuts. Yesterday, a Dunkin’ Donuts in the city was having open interviews. I still don’t have that retail job I thought I would, so during my time with God, I told Him how I was feeling. This job searching process has brought out every ugly emotion and sin issue I have. Entitlement. Jealously. Pride. Guilt. Self-centeredness. I acknowledged all of them throughout the past 10 days, but I had done nothing about them. I kept going out each morning trying to do it all on my own. I was feeling so conflicted. My flesh said, you’re too good to go to an interview at Dunkin’ Donuts; you’re working towards being college educated, you’ve worked in retail and you’re better than the people who work there. However, as I brought all these before God yesterday morning, I was reminded that it isn’t about me. What I want and what God wants are often very different. This summer is about me relying on God more, finding my identity in God more, and trusting God more. Yes, I can work a retail job, I’m good at working retail, God knows that, but He also wants to grow me. He wants to teach me.

So, I swallowed my pride, I submitted to the Lord, and I travelled with a group of other jobless project kids to the Dunkin’ Donuts on Washington. On the way, I communicated with one of the girls how frustrating this job search process has been. I’ve made huge steps of progress in the past 10 days, God has completely changed my heart, but 7 days of filling out applications, talking to managers and making follow-up phone calls is still frustrating. I explained that it’s especially hard because I left a job that I loved at home. I left a job that I was good at, at home. I left a job with people I was able to share my faith with at home. She said something that I’m continuing to process through; she said that coming to project is “one of the times when you have to decide if you’re willing to count it all as loss.” She was referring to the verses in Philippians 4 when Paul says, “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord,” (v. 7-8). I know that God wants me in Chicago this summer, but am I willing to set everything aside to get to know Him better? This is my job back home, but also my pride, my entitlement, my jealousy, my guilt and my self-centeredness. Am I willing to die to myself this summer in order to follow Christ? Yes, I’m willing, but without the Holy Spirit, it is impossible. My prayer is that I may be able to cling to Christ and release anything else from my grasp; that I may seek to place my identity in God more, and not in a job or my friends. I pray that Christ may be magnified in my life because it really isn’t about me.

Job update: The manager at the Dunkin’ Donuts did not show up to have the open interviews yesterday, but I received a phone call yesterday afternoon from J.Crew, and I have an interview there on Friday afternoon. Please pray that I remain diligent and faithful in my job search, no matter how Friday goes.

DSCN0535

The Waiting Game

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

I have a tendency to underestimate how much work something is going to take me. I’m also extremely impatient. Thankfully the Lord has grown me in the area of immediate gratification. I’ve made significant improvement in looking to others and earthly things before approaching God. However, I still want immediate gratification from God. I want growth now. I want less pain now. And currently, I want a summer job now. Midway through the second day of my Chicago job search, I wanted to break down and cry. I felt frustrated, worn down and defeated. As I sat down in Starbucks – when you’re job searching in Chicago, these become your best friends in 90-degree heat, I looked up wait in the concordance of my bible and immediately went to Isaiah 30:18. I read, “Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.” As I meditated on this for a little bit, a couple things stood out to me.

1. The Lord waits to be gracious to me. The NIV says, The Lord longs to be gracious. This is what my heart heard from God, “Caitlin, you are dearly loved by me, and I could snap my fingers and get you a job, but you need to be patient. There’s growth in this process that I desire you to have; be patient with me, I’ll be patient with you, and it will all be okay.” God is a god of justice; I know that He is faithful, and knows me better than anyone else, therefore I will trust that His timing is perfect.

2. Blessed are all those who wait for him. I hate waiting. I’m probably one of the most impatient people on the face of the earth.  I hate when meetings start five minutes late. However, in my walk with the Lord, there has been waiting. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the right time for confrontation, and waiting for the healing. The waiting isn’t easy, but in waiting for God’s timing, He will bless me.

3. One of my favorite verses is Romans 5:3-4, “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” I so easily jump in my mind from the suffering to the character and then to the hope. I forget that endurance is an important aspect of growth and hope in Christ.

Thursday I will hit the streets of Chicago following up on job applications I’ve filled out and filling out even more. My prayer is that instead of growing in frustration, I grow in faith. That I continue to place my hope in the Lord, where I will never be disappointed. I pray that I will be able to stay patient (or be patient) and set my eyes of Jesus through it all, no matter the outcome.

DSCN0532

A Funny Thing

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

A funny thing happens when we welcome God into whatever we are experiencing. I’ve witnessed this funny thing happen many times and in different ways. After my grandmother died, when I welcomed God into my healing, there was less sadness and more comfort in my life. When I was dealing through a lot of my idolatry issues, when I welcomed God into the decisions, even the worst-case scenario did not seem as bad as I had originally thought. And even coming home this summer for four weeks, four weeks that I thought were going to bore me and prevent me from growing, when I welcomed God into those four weeks, there was less anticipation for the future and more contentment in the present. Usually through welcoming God into a part of our life, we surrender our expectations and give Him control to do whatever He desires. It becomes less about us and more about Him.

When I came home at the beginning of May, I had an end goal – survive until June 3rd when I left for Chicago. I was going to make a little bit of money, get a lot of sleep, and rest. I figured I would take a break from “ministry” because that started when I got to Chicago. Funny joke. I said to God, “I’m welcoming You into the next four weeks, do what You want”. I was thinking that He would rest me, after all, second semester was draining. I’ve gotten to rest, I’ve gotten plenty of sleep, but I haven’t sat around and napped all day. God has reminded me that my ministry follows me wherever I go. I can be a light for Jesus wherever I am, whatever I’m doing. Sometimes when I’m at school, I build up expectations for myself – I need to spend my time doing this, I should be meeting with this girl, and I should share my faith x-amount of times a week. Coming home and spending four weeks at home is such a relief. I may not have a weekly bible study, or discipleship every Wednesday; I might not have lifetime and encourage my dear friend Hannah towards Jesus every Tuesday afternoon, but God is moving, God is working and God is growing me. Not only have I survived the past four weeks, but I’ve thrived. I’ve gotten to share my faith, spend ample time folding clothes and praying at work, and I’ve gotten to rest in the Lord, and allow Him to remind me that He is proud of me not because of what I do, but who I am. I am His.

As I’ve seen in the past, welcoming God into my circumstances changes my perspective. It often times doesn’t change the present; God doesn’t remove the pain, erase how our sin hurts others or change how fast time goes… He does remind us that He has purpose in everything He does. He reminds us that all He requires is for us “to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with [our] God” (Micah 6:8). He reminds us that it isn’t about us, it’s about Him. I pray that whatever your present circumstance, you find the strength to surrender it to God. That you trust that He cares more about you and what you’re going through than you could ever imagine. I pray that you remember that He is proud of you because you are His, and He has created you. Surrender your expectations and allow God to remind you of His glory in everything!

Authority Issues

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

I have authority issues. I don’t like rules and I absolutely hate people telling me what to do. I don’t like rules and restrictions, ask my roommates, I do everything in my power to break rules that I think are stupid. I am not a rebel or a wild child, I just fail to see how rules or authority keep me safe or teach me anything. I don’t know when this started. I’d like to say around the time I was sixteen when my parents started to treat me like their friend and not their daughter. To this day, my mom calls me for advice, which is great; I love my relationship with my parents. However, I have taken that same friendship and transferred it over to almost every other authority figure in my life. When I was in high school, I saw my teachers as my friends; Cru staff at IU, I consider to be friends. I respect these people, I respect my parents, but I tend to think that my judgment for myself is better than the judgment of people who are older and wiser than me.

Not only does my distaste for authority transfer to people in my life, but as I’ve recently realized, I also transfer it to God. God will gently lead me towards one door and instead of opening it, I try all the wrong things first. I usually feel like the three year old throwing a temper tantrum, yelling, “I want to do it MY way”. Trusting God is hard, it’s especially hard because it means surrendering my control in a given situation. It means that He knows more than me; He sees the whole picture. I don’t. That’s humbling for this know-it-all to admit. I like to pretend that I know everything, I have a better answer than everyone else and that my opinion is the most important. Perhaps my authority issues are more pride issues, thinking that at all times I know what’s best for me. How silly does that sound, that I know what’s better for me than my Creator, who knows absolutely everything about me.

This summer I’ve been memorizing Philippians 2:1-11, and I’ve memorized through 2:6, verses 2:5 & 6 are “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped”. That’s humility. Jesus was God, but made Himself a servant and “did not consider equality with God something to be grasped”. He knew that He could learn from serving others; As I grow in my walk with God, He wants me to remember that I don’t know everything. That people are in my life to teach me and grow me – I have to trust them, and trust what He is doing in their hearts and lives. So in full awareness of my authority issues, I pray that while keeping my eyes on Jesus, I can trust those who are older and wiser than me; that I can submit to the rules set for my protection, even if I think they are stupid, and know that God knows best. He wants me to grow, learn and prosper; this is not a painless journey, it is one of surrendering control, but it’s the next step towards Jesus. And as I sing in my favorite worship song, “I’ll stand my soul Lord, to You, surrendered – all I am is Yours”. In order for that to be true, I need to let go of my authority issues and trust that God is who He says He is and He works through the people in my life.

Present Day Adventures

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

I love a challenge; when someone tells me I can’t do something, I love to put my nose down and plow through it. I’m also one of the few people who likes being refined, I like the tough times, when I can literally watch God chip off the old and transform me into something more Christ-like. I also tend to be a Martha – when I’m in new and uncertain situations, I want to DO something, not just enjoy Jesus’ presence and ask Him what He desires for me. Coming home for summer break came with mixed emotions. I come how to an amazing family and some friends who are still around, but I also come back into a room that represents also everything about my life before Christ. The hardest thing about coming home is that I know I can live my life, in my house, in Mason, Ohio without Jesus – I did for most of my life. My biggest tendency, in school, in Bloomington, in Mason and everywhere for that matter is to think that I can do everything without God.

My first three days at home were a struggle; the girl inside me who loves big challenges, who likes to be used to do the impossible was feeling restless. Something inside me wasn’t feeling satisfied; I wanted a big adventure… Mason, Ohio wasn’t cutting it for me. Monday night, when I was journaling, it hit me. God challenges us everyday with the mundane. I can grow when I’m not in pain. God wants me to invite Him into my everyday life when I’m at home. God wants me to walk closely with Him and teach me huge lessons even through small things. Satan will try to tempt me into thinking that because I don’t have a set ministry in Mason, because I’m not doing anything (or so it would appear), I am not being used or being grown. The truth is, my ministry is wherever I am, with who ever I’m talking to. God is day-by-day transforming me more into the image of His Son, whether I can see the change, that’s my choice.

The mundane may not seem like much of an adventure, but the past three days have demonstrated to me that the adventure is seeing God in everything; the adventure is asking God to see things the way He sees them – those two things I can do wherever I am. Yes, if I place my identity in what I’m doing, or where I am, a part of me dies when I leave Bloomington, but when I place my identity in Christ alone, I always have everything I need. I’ve invited God into my everyday life in Mason, and in the past three days (I know it doesn’t seem that long), I’ve seen a change in the way I view my present circumstances; they are full of hope, full of adventure and full of God.

Just As I Am

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

I came to Christ my freshman year of college, but I fell in love with Jesus this year. A lot of my freshman year was navigating why I was doing things I thought I had to do because I was a “Christian”. Sophomore year has be a year of redefinement. Instead of dressing modestly because that’s what Christians did, I realized that Christ wants me to have freedom to live life more abundantly; yes, in dressing modestly, I respect myself, I respect others, but I also respect Jesus, and my relationship with Him. Through exploring my relationship with Him, it has been impossible to not fall more in love with Him – His perfection, His forgiveness, and His unconditional love.

The beautiful thing about Jesus is He doesn’t want the made up version of me or you. He wants us just as we are. We don’t have to get our lives together to become Christians – we become Christians and a result, the Holy Spirit does His job and transforms us. I took my make-up for Jesus this year and realized He saw me beautiful without it – He likes me better without it. I love this about my Savior. He knows I’m not perfect and He doesn’t want me to pretend to be someone that I’m not. It isn’t always easy to walk around without my figurative make-up on, I feel like my insecurities are more exposed, but I am clothed with strength and dignity, and I can laugh at the days to come (Proverbs 31:20). Because Jesus and I have dealt through my crap together, and I am able to better contribute to a Christian community where my vulnerabilities are exposed. I have an invisible clothing – made up of Christ – He clothes me from the world, because I am confident in who He has made me, I can be confident in the way I present myself to others. My identity is not tied to what other people think of my make-upless self, or my crap, it is tied to my perfect Savior who desires me just as I am, completely aware of the crap I carry with me.

My prayer for me and for you this summer is that we be okay with our crap and can see past it and see Christ in ourselves. Christ sees us as beautiful, just the way we are. I pray that you can be in a Christian community that desires realness and authenticity. I pray that we can be confident of ourselves, without make-up on – like the broken little messes that we are. Christ loves us just as we are, so shouldn’t we love ourselves the same way?

Freedom

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

I’m passionate about freedom, largely because I’ve really started to walk in freedom this year. I became a Christian a year and a half ago, but it took a whole year to realize that because I am in Christ, I am free. It was a painful process. As is any liberation. I first had to realize that I was not free and deal with some major sin that had me in bondage. This is a continual process, one that is in no way, shape or form complete in my life, but this year has been one of significant bondage breaking and some freedom walking.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” – Galatians 5:1

Christ has set me free so that I can walk with Him, focus my eyes on Him and find my hope in Him. He has not set me free so that I can continue sinning, although my flesh will sin. When I allow other people’s negative comments to affect me, I begin to walk my way back into slavery – slavery to negativity. When I allow my schoolwork and grades to stress me out, I begin to walk my way back into slavery – slavery to accomplishments. When I begin to worry about my summer job and how much money I can make, I begin to walk my way back into slavery – slavery to money. All of these actions, while done on a daily basis in my life, break God’s heart. He wants me to experience the fullness of His love and through that love walk in freedom to love and forgive unconditionally. When I am bogged down about people’s expectations, my accomplishments or money, I’m failing to live acknowledging God’s provision and unconditional love.

Freedom means that I am not a slave to this world; I can lift my eyes to Jesus and remember that my current circumstances are not eternity. Pain and hurt will not exist in heaven. I can hold my chin up high and walk confidently because nothing on earth is big enough to shake my God. God can handle it all, I need not worry, I can walk towards Jesus and not worry about anything by serving Him with my whole heart. Freedom means that I get to place my identity in Christ. As long as I’m fully surrendered to Him, I am free from other’s expectations (don’t confuse this with healthy Christ-centered community that has accountability). Freedom means that I can mess up, that I’m not tied to legalism, that I can throw off anything that prevents me from fully serving Jesus. I cannot experience 100% freedom on this side of heaven, but until then, I will stand firm in Jesus Christ and the freedom He died for me to have. I will rely on God to give the strength to walk alongside Him, even when it’s hard. I’m free to mess up and to listen to Jesus’ voice when everyone else is saying something different louder. Christ set me free so I can experience Him and that’s exactly what I intend to do.

Strength

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

Numerous times this year, I almost threw in the towel with Greek ministry. I was drained, I thought I needed to focus on myself, I doubted whether God was working and I believed my sin was going to break not only Greek ministry, but also the Cru movement. Tonight, I realized how big God is and I thank Him that He gave me the strength to keep going when times got rough. Had I walked away in October or in January, I would not have gotten to see what God did this semester… in my life and in the lives of many of my close friends. Walking away would have meant two things – 1.) God was not bigger than my own sin issues & 2.) God was not working the struggles for my good.

God can handle my sin. He can handle my doubt. He can handle my anger. They break His heart, but He can handle them. God showed me my sin and He showed me how detrimental sin is to community, but in starting to comprehend my own sinfulness, He allowed me to experience grace. When I started to experience God’s grace and God’s love, it enabled me to extend love and grace onto others. Because of the sin I dealt through – and still continue to fight – God gave me a story to tell. It was when I was so weak that I couldn’t do anything on my own that I realized God had been in control all along. Sin can tear apart community when we keep it in the dark, but when we confess it and bring it into our community of believers, He redeems it; Satan no longer has a hold on it. Satan wanted me to feel so much shame over my sin that I stopped believing God wanted me to lead or even be part of what was going on in the movement. However, God wanted me to bring my sin into the light and remember that He is in control, not me.

One huge lesson I learned over the course of the semester is that God works everything for our good. Not just the things done with pure hearts. Had I not been struggling to hold myself together, Satan could have convinced me that the revival I was seeing was based on my own work. However, because I saw myself in my true position to Christ … lying at the foot of the cross begging for mercy and forgiveness, God allowed me to experience fruit knowing He was the one who provided it. So often I think I’m in control and that my hard work is paying off, but it is God’s hard work, it is God working in and through my friends and me. God did the most work when I was oblivious to it. God answered crazy prayers that I prayed in July 🙂 God used my brokenness to remind me that He is in control and working everything for my good!

Tonight, hearing the lives committed and rededicated to Christ this year, and the growth in our Greek Bible Study community, I experienced a huge humbling and some true redemption. I had tears in my eyes just seeing how much God cares about each and every person on IU’s campus. This is not about me, or my sin. The beginnings of this revival have been about God and what He is doing through us despite us. I have seen each and every person in our bible study die to himself or herself this year and allow Christ to be in control, just the way I did in my own life. So thanks God for letting me be a part of it; thanks for giving me the strength to continue when I didn’t know how much more I could handle. Most of all, thank you for allowing me to see that You did work, You got You some and You’re bringing glory to Your Name at IU in the Greek system!

Pain

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

I associate pain as a negative thing. I also think that every time I’m told no, it’s because I did something wrong or there is something wrong with me. I think that if God closes a door on something in my life – a relationships, a leadership opportunity or a job—it’s because I’m not good enough or I did something wrong. False. Lie. God does everything for our good. He closes doors to open other ones, and often it’s not because we did something wrong, it’s because He has something better for us. I was reading through my journal from first semester and I came across something that struck me as odd. I said to God, “You’re saying no so You can say an even better yes in the future.” I almost always want a yes in the present; I lack the patience and the trust to wait for the better yes. The immediate satisfaction of eating a candy bar in my head is better than losing weight or better health in the future. I am so impatient that I often don’t want the growth. I want the immediate results.

Thankfully, God doesn’t think like me. God knows what’s best for us – even if it’s painful. Our society has decided that pain is a bad thing. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not comfortable, however, a lot of us will go out of our way to avoid pain, even if that means avoiding God. I am in no way saying that loving God equal pain, it is joyful and satisfying, however, there will be times when God needs to get you to the next level of maturity and that can be painful. I know in my life, I avoid the pain, I avoid the growth and in turn, I avoid God because I don’t view Him as good when I’m hurting. In my human brain, pain is a bad thing and therefore nothing good can come from it and it should be avoided at all costs. Jesus Himself suffered and endured pain. He knew coming to earth and dying on the cross wasn’t going to be a vacation, but He saw the reward as outweighing the pain. Perhaps I can start to see my growth the same way. The pain I experience as part of the maturing process is nothing compared to the eternal glory I will receive and the privilege it is to be made more and more into the image of Christ. In growing, I am being stripped of myself and Christ is greater reflected in my life.

As I start to process through my sophomore year of college, there’s been pain and struggle, but most of all there has been growth. God closed some doors in my life and said some no’s, but it is because of it that I’m the woman I am today. I’m stronger now that I was in September. I’m stronger now that I was in January. Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” I don’t always see the ways that God is working, but I can know that He is indeed working. In saying no, God has asked me to have faith that I will see the yes’s He has in store for me. I have some growing to do before I’m ready, and that’s okay; I’m a work in progress. So thank You God for loving me enough to let me experience pain; for caring so much about my growth You allow me to struggle. Give me the faith to know that You are good, even when I can’t seem to see it.