Sinking In: Thoughts on Turning 24

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

It was only fitting to celebrate my birthday in Bloomington, Indiana. To me, celebrating birthdays is an opportunity to recognize the thousands of small moments that took place throughout the year and to reflect on the goodness of God over the course of a person’s life. As I drove the sixty miles south on Saturday with the sun was high in the afternoon sky, I was overcome with thankfulness of God’s faithfulness. There is not a single second in the past twenty-four years of my life that God has not been faithful. He has ordained every breath I breathe; I am not and never have been hidden from His sight. The truth of those words started to sink in when I was eighteen and a student at IU. Six years later, the words have sunk a little bit deeper, but I long to live as one who believes God for great and mighty things. In making the drive down 37, I was able to return to where the most significant part of my story started and celebrate everything that God has continued to do since then.

The past year has been one of incredible highs, some low lows, but truly the theme as been “sinking in.” Like trying to get comfortable in your bed at the end of the night, sometimes you’re a little restless before finding the right combination of sleep position, pillow fluffiness and temperature; this year I’ve worked through restlessness, fighting to find combinations that work. Combining alone time and spending time with friends, eating well and working out appropriately, time in Indianapolis and time other places, paying off student loans and saving for the future, working towards a worthy cause at work and rest, reading for fun and reading to learn, writing as a life-giving practice and fighting against guilt for not doing it enough, and maintaining old friendships and cultivating new ones. When the combinations are not quite right, I can feel exhausted, unfulfilled, or a mixture of both. I have not yet found the perfect combination, if it exists, but I’m sinking into the life I’m building in Indianapolis.

As I sink in, trying to find the right combination and get comfortable, I am reminded that things are not as they should be. There is a gap between how I want things to be and how they are. I work in international adoption, so I deal with this reality on a daily basis. But daily, I hear God telling me to continue to sink in, to lean into the tension that is being created. Stop fighting the tension and accept it. I have to let it mold me and change me because the gap will always be there. There will always be miscarriages, failed marriages, kids born with special needs, and lives taken from us far too soon. The gap is there for a reason – to draw my eyes upward and forward, towards a time and place where it will all be made right.

In the midst of the tension, I attempt to sink in; I try different combinations, learning more about myself every step of the way.

Monday Lovin’

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

Yesterday my day started with one of my best friends handing me coffee in a Happy Birthday mug and it ended with a celebratory glass of wine after working out with Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred. It was a full day. It was the perfect 24th birthday. I live such a rich life that taking time to thank God for all that He has given me almost makes my heart explode. I am excited to start this week as a 24 year old, and even more excited to see what this year will bring. This week I could go on and on about what I’m lovin’, but I decided to limit myself and just share a couple.

  1. My parents got me a new pair of running shoes for my birthday. I went on my first outdoor run with them on Saturday and I love them! New running shoes are so bouncy, and I ran my fastest 5 miles ever. They are also gray with bright pink; I’ve learned over he years that fun work out clothes make me enjoy exercising even more.
  2. Kilroy’s is my favorite Bloomington bar, followed closely by The Vid. This year as part of my birthday festivities, we went to The Vid. They may make the best Amaretto Sours, and I enjoy playing darts and enjoying time with my friends. Fun fact: 3 out of the last 4 years my birthday festivities have involved time at The Vid. I like traditions and being able to recall specific moments at places over the years. Time in Bloomington is like looking through a life-sized scrapbook, full of vivid memories that have shaped me into the person I am today.
  3. The moments that have shaped me would be nothing without the friends who have walked through life with me. I loved feeling celebrated by friends near and far this weekend.
  4. My closet is an example of my addictive personality. I get on a kick and then I can’t stop shopping for it. Examples: Coach bags, North Face, Patagonia, ballet flats, statement necklaces and now puffer vests. My new red and black gingham puffer vest from J.Crew Factor is one of my new favorite things. I wanted patiently for it to go on sale and luckily they still had my size. It came just in time for me to wear it on Saturday night. I am making strides towards simplifying my life starting first with my closet and while I’ve made progress, I could not resist the gingham puffer.
  5. My senior year of college, I lived in this picture perfect Bloomington house that was nicknamed, The Dollhouse. I loved the house and I loved my roommates even more. In 2 months three of us are having a reunion in Texas, complete with a night at the rodeo! I am very excited to catch up with them and make new memories with two of my best friends!

So much to love, such a rich life. I am thankful for the discipline of gratitude in the midst of cold winters and seemingly long weeks.

 

IMG_2925

With a great friend at The Vid on our two year “Frieniversary!” Look at that puffer vest 🙂

Friends Through Marriage

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

The summer of 2013 was my summer of weddings. After being in 3 weddings within six months of each other, I was invited to six weddings in one summer. Whew! It was a lot. I had just graduated from college and had moved back in with my parents while I continued to look for a job in both Cincinnati and Indianapolis. I was in a holding pattern, waiting for the next thing to happen.

As I drove to the second wedding of the summer, I checked my email while stopping for gas on I-75 somewhere between Dayton and Fort Wayne. I read the disappointing news that my number one choice of job had fallen through and I was back to square one, well not completely, but a temporary retail management position in Cincinnati is not what I wanted to be doing.

I wanted to celebrate with my friends as they started new chapters with their husbands and wives, and yet I could not shake the feeling that I was being left behind. It was as if marriage was an exclusive club and my invitation had been left in the mail. I felt left out and left behind.

I wish I could say I handled these feeling like an adult, and turned to the Lord, delighting in the story He was writing for my life, but like every other time I’ve felt left out and left behind, I stomped my feet and cried.

It hit me though, the gift of marriage is so special, not just to those who get married, but to their friends, too. I opened a thank you note from that summer and it said, “We’re so thankful for your friendship.” As my friends have gotten married, I’ve gained friends. Each time a friend gets married, and since that summer, I’ve been to plenty more weddings, another friend joins my corner. It’s one more person encouraging me, praying for me, and someone new to make memories with.

I could write a sad story about how not being married and not having a boyfriend is lonely with over half of my best friends married. I could share that I get left out of double dates because I don’t have a plus one. But, then I remember how many friends I’ve gained and the ways my life has been enriched because of my friends marriages and suddenly those feelings of being left out and left behind were unfounded. I’m reminded that we are all invited to see and participate in the celebration of marriage.

I see the character of God in the way He has created marriage not just as a gift to those who enter into the covenant, but also to those who bear witness to it. As for me, I’ll all for having more friends!

Monday Lovin’

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

Happy Monday! The weekend was unseasonably warm in Indianapolis, so this sunshine addict is one happy girl. In celebration of my birthday, my parents are coming to take me out to lunch, so today is truly a great Monday! I cannot wait to see them, show them my office and eat lunch with them. The following are also things I’m lovin’ this Monday.

  1. I saw American Sniper on Saturday night. I haven’t seen a movie in the theaters in 2 years (the last one I saw was Lincoln… I may be a sucker for biopics) and this was the one to see. Man. Go see it! I have a completely new appreciation for those in the US Military and their families. The sacrifices that the men and women who don the uniform inspire me. The acting and production of the movie was intense and beautifully done. Even though it’s the only movie I’ve seen that was nominated for Best Picture, I think it should win hands down.
  2. It’s half-marathon training season, and Saturday it was fifty degrees with sun. My five-mile run was enjoyable, especially for January. I’m hoping for some more unseasonably warm Saturdays in the next couple months. I am also remembering how much I love training. Last year I was studying the book of James while training and the verse, “Perseverance must finish its cause so you can be mature and complete, not lacking in anything,” became the theme of my spring. I am waiting to see which verses I am able to memorize through this training season.
  3. Last night was 3 Party for Indiana University Sorority Recruitment. Seeing the photos blow up my social media reminds me of such a special season filled with wonderful women. The Phi Mu sisterhood played an integral role in my faith, character and who I am today. I am thankful to be a part of something bigger than me.
  4. Mark Batterson’s The Circle Maker. I wish every Christian could read this bookIMG_2912 about the importance of prayer. The author does a great job weaving his own narrative throughout his exhortation of the power of praying through your dreams. Sometimes I question why I have to pray for something, thinking, “God is sovereign, it will all work out the way He wants it to,” but Batterson pushes back against that mindset. He reminds the reader that our hearts change in prayer. Being in a season of dreaming with open hands, asking the Lord to lead me where He wants to, this book reminded me that if my dreams can be accomplished without God, then they aren’t big enough. I highly recommend this challenging read.
  5. Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Fun fact about me: my freshman year I was a AAADS minor. AAADS stands for African American and African Diaspora Studies. Yes, this sorority girl, who loves party tanks, shops at J.Crew and whose favorite movie is Legally Blonde, took quite a few AAADS classes and in the process gained a basis for my senior thesis, which I wrote on the role of Black pastors in the Civil Rights Movement. Much can be said about Martin Luther King Jr., and much will be said for decades to come, but the way he fought against injustice lights a fire under me to stick up for the social justice issues of our time, not just because its popular or trendy, but because God cares about justice. He is a God of mercy, compassion and freedom. Jesus came to set the captive free.

Have a great week!

Finding the Right Rhythm

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

IMG_2906

I sprinted my way through the fall. When I stopped or slowed down, I looked like a basketball player trying to catch his breath in between suicides, sweat dripping off the brow. Instead of long slow inhales, I panted. Just when my breathing was semi-regular, I started my next set of suicides. My treadmill workouts mirrored my life. Short, quick runs followed by strength building with weights. Each time I stepped on the treadmill, I tried to beat my time from my previous workout. I wanted to get faster and I wanted to maximize my workout in the short time I allowed myself. My fitness tends to be the metaphor for my life.

Honestly, I do okay in sprint mode, never fully recovering from the last set – the last week or the last month. In fact, sprint mode is my default; I’ll blame it on a deep desire to prove my worthiness, which I’m trying to work through. It takes energy for me to slow down and take deep breaths, truly allowing my lungs to taste the fresh air. I like a jam packed schedule, and eating meals in my car does not really bother me, until I am exhausted, and then, I stand with my hands on my knees, bent over, trying to catch my breath.

I set foot on the treadmill this week, starting to train for a half-marathon in April, and instead of letting my body run as fast as it could for two miles, I pushed the speed button down and tried to find a different pace. The long run this past week may have only been 4 miles, but by April, I’ll be running 10+ miles on any given Saturday. Long runs demand a different pace, a slower rhythm.

This will be my second half-marathon and I learned last spring how important it is to train as a sustainable pace. You just can’t sprint 10 miles. Like anywhere worth going, or anything worth achieving, running long distances takes time. As I set foot on the treadmill last week and begun training, I resisted the urge to keep upping the speed. I took deep breaths as my feet pounded the treadmill belt and I let my mind wander, reminding myself that getting done faster wasn’t the goal, finding a good pace was. “Run longer, not faster,” is becoming my motto, both on the treadmill and in other areas of my life.

With holiday season over, I’m settling back into a more manageable schedule, but still trying to find the right rhythm, one that allows air to reach my lungs. I’m becoming more comfortable with a quiet night at my apartment to cook a meal, read a book and write. I’m finding myself curled up in bed with a mug full of tea at 8 pm, allowing my spirit to rest. Ten years from now, I want to look back on my life and be able say that I walked faithfully until the end, instead of burning out early because started out sprinting. My pace must be sustainable in order to produce faithfulness for the long-term over speed in the short-term.

May this be a season defined by rhythm and space to breathe. May my pace be sustainable in order to walk faithfully with the Lord for a lifetime.

 

Monday Lovin’

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

Happy Monday! I hope you’re staying warm during the arctic-like temperatures from last week and heading into this week. The theme of this weekend was rest. On Saturday I hit a new level of laziness by wearing pajamas until I put on workout clothes and then putting my pajamas back on after I showered. My body and spirit needed the rest.

IMG_2903

  1. This Old Navy scarf was a favorite of mine from my junior year of college. I had semi-forgotten about it, until I was going through my closet last week (part of my simplify goal of 2015). I remembered how comfy, warm and colorful it is. If you see me in the next week, it is likely that I’ll be wearing the scarf.
  1. I grew up in Ohio. I grew up on Buckeye Football. I was in 6th grade when Ohio State won the National Championship. In Ohio, football is king. Then I moved to Indiana, where basketball is KING, and graduated from a university with a legacy of basketball championships. You can’t live in Indiana and be indifferent to basketball. My senior year of college, #iubb was ranked number one. The pride that the campus took in our top ranked Hoosiers highlighted the year. The past two basketball seasons have been disappointing, but on Saturday, the Hoosiers beat the ranked Buckeyes, reminding me once again, that despite my Ohio roots, I live in the basketball state. Complicating matters further, on Monday night, I will be rooting for the Buckeyes in the National Championship game.
  1. During my lazy day on Saturday, I watched some West Wing. I figured that I after two months of binge watching Gilmore Girls, I needed to switch things up. I’m glad I did. Why? Because Rob Lowe. That’s all. I could watch Rob Lowe, specifically as Sam Seaborne all day, every day. On the show, he’s a very smart, very good-looking, optimistic dreamer… Marry Me, Rob Lowe.
  1. I’m not usually a beer girl. I like it, but usually prefer a sweet wine or a fun fruity cocktail. However, this weekend, I bought the Leinenkugel Winter Sampler Pack and fell in love with the Cranberry Ginger Shandy. It was sweet and wheaty, but with some ginger. I highly recommend it for people who are fruity beer fans.

I hope your week is off to great start and full of warm winter clothes to keep you warm during this brutal weather!

 

 

A Reading Round-Up from 2014

Published on by Caitlin Snyder2 Comments

I challenged myself to read my way through 2014 last January. Over the course of the year, I read 34 books. Throughout all the reading, I learned that I tend to navigate towards female writers, I’m not a huge lover of fiction, and that not all bloggers make great authors. Not every book was a new favorite, but there were quite a few that I recommend.

Books everyone should read:

Daring Greatly, Brene Brown

Ragamuffin Gospel, Brennan Manning

Behind the Beautiful Forevers, Katherine Boo

I Am Malala, Malala Yousafzai

Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis

Half the Sky, Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn

The Locust Effect, Gary A. Haugen and Victor Boutros

Boundaries, Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Speak, Nish Weiseth

To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee

 

Honorable Mentions:

The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion

Interrupted, Jen Hatmaker

Where Did You Go Bernadette, Maria Semple

A Million Little Ways, Emily Freeman

That’s Why We Broke Up, Daniel Handler and Maira Kalman

Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake, Anna Quindlen

The Best Yes, Lysa TerKeurst

Deepening Community, Paul Born

Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequist

 

I’m always looking for new reads, so I would love to hear recommendations.

IMG_2850

Monday Lovin’

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

It’s the first Monday of 2015! It’s my first full week back to work in over 2 weeks. Holiday season is over in retail. It’s my first official week training for the Carmel Half Marathon in April. It’s going to be an awesome week. I’m excited to be back into my routine

1. Folgers French Vanilla coffee is the best! I used a Target gift card to purchase a basic coffee maker for the weekends when I want to drink coffee as I bum around my apartment. I’m loving the coffee more than I expected. And it is so fun to drink out of the abundance of cute mugs I’ve collected in the past couple years, including my brand new white mug with my monogram in gold.

2. I don’t like New Years Resolutions, but I really like goals. I love that the beginning of a new year gives me an opportunity to look back on the past year and look forward to the next. I’m always eager for a new start, and redefined goals give me that opportunity.

3. Every family has traditions of some sort; those things you do every year. They put a smile on your face and create memories year after year. I love that my group of friends from college (thanks Cru at IU) has started some traditions of our own and fought to maintain them even as situations have begun to change. Before Christmas, we celebrated Christmas with Christmas at the Crossing for the second year and we rang in the New Year together with a party for the 3rd year in a row. Not everyone can make it to each years events, but it is a special thing to look back and tell stories from years past.

4. This may be the most random thing I’ve admitting to loving on a Monday, but I’m a big fan of vulnerability. Right now, I’m very thankful for Proactiv. My face and I have a love/hate relationship and I’m one of the lucky adults who still has acne. I love that Proactiv clears up breakouts and helps boost my confidence.

5. One of my goals for 2015 was to declutter my life. My first step was clothes – what’s in my closet that I do not wear and what can I get rid of? I already have one box of stuff ready to go to a new home – either friends, a consignment shop or Goodwill. Baby steps forward are often times the only way to start.

Empty Bookshelves

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

IMG_2853

I have an empty shelf on my bookcase again. I’m preparing myself for a day when I’ll have a room dedicated completely to books, so book space is a premium in my bedroom. I actually cleared away some clothes to make space to empty said bookshelf, which considering my commitment to clothing usually surpasses my commitment to books, is a huge feat.

Why do I have an empty shelf on my bookcase as I start 2015?

Because I am reading my way through the year. Each time I finishing reading a book, this year, I’ll add it to the empty shelf, and hopefully, by the time December rolls around, the shelf will not be empty anymore. In 2014, I gave myself the same goal and I read 34 books in 365 days. Reading a variety of books and constantly having a book to read challenged my thinking.

I strongly encourage everyone to set a goal at the beginning of the year that is attainable, but requires consistent commitment throughout the next 12 months. It’s a great way to grow in discipline, develop a new skill or fall back in love with a hobby. For me it was reading in 2014 and enjoyed it, so I’m going to do it again in 2015.

The empty shelf stands as a challenge to me, and encourages me to follow through on a commitment, even when my desire to watch yet another episode of Gilmore Girls on Netflix seems more appealing than curling up with a book.

Each day can pass by so quickly as I rush to work, from work, to eat and to bed. There is not always a desire to look past the momentary desire for mindless entertainment or the quick and easy way to pass the time and to be intentional with what I focus my mind on. I believe that reading is a worthwhile way to spend my time, so my empty shelf reminds me, daily, that I have the opportunity to build into something. There is space for growth, even in the small, mundane moments when I want to check out.

So I’ve cleared my shelf again this year. Reading is not the only goal I have this year. I want to commit to writing at least twice a week, I want to go to India, I want to pay off my debt, I want to explore what it could look like to do some freelance writing, I want to run another half-marathon, I want to gain better control of my finances, and I want to buy fewer clothes. All of these goals require me creating space, metaphoric shelves, on a daily basis to pursue them, and a reminder of the commitment I’ve made, even once new years resolutions have been forgotten.

What goals do you have for 2015, and how are you creating space for them this year?

 

I’ll be posting a list of the books I read in 2014 that I recommend for others over the weekend.

Monday Lovin’

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

This week for Monday Lovin’ I am recapping five of my favorite things of 2014. I learned to walk again in 2014, and then once I found my footing, my stroll increased to a speed walk. I started to dream in 2014, with a new confidence, one that I don’t know if I’ve ever had. Confidence in God and confidence in myself. It feels good to be confident in my own skin. And so in no particular order, five of my favorite things from this past year.

  1. It was a busy, busy summer. I was in one wedding, went to two more, went on several vacations (Bethany Beach, Cleveland, Las Vegas) and had a lot of fun. But in the midst of all the fun, there was some deep-seated discontentment and uncertainty about my job, my worth and my future. I helped one of my best friends organize Lake Weekend 2014, a retreat for some of our closest friends. The weekend was a turning point for me in beginning to wrestle through the discontentment, uncertainty and fear that had been crippling me, and sitting right beneath the surface all summer. I am so thankful for the questions that were asked and the truth that was spoken that weekend.
  2. I don’t know if I’ll ever have just one full-time job. I like the challenge of balancing multiple jobs, sorting through my priorities and being given different avenues for growth and creativity. The second half of this year, the increased opportunity for came in the form of merchandising the kids section of our store. I look forward to sitting down with the concept book, organizing my information, creating a plan and then executing it. This element of working in retail gives me structure and freedom.
  3. Making the decision to move to Indianapolis has been the gift that keeps on giving. The best part of the move has been the friendships I’ve been able to build, both from the beginning, and also upon a foundation from college. I’ve found a common theme in these relationships – a depth that comes from admitting that life isn’t quite what you thought it would be. Because it’s not, but friends to live life alongside, wrestling with the “not quites” and the “maybe nevers”, can be the biggest blessing.
  4. I made a list in August. It was a list of all the things that are life-giving to me. I went on to make a commitment to these things. Weeks turn into months really quickly when I’m not careful, and without being intentional about how to spend time, I can start feeling empty. Writing was one of the things I put on the list, and something that has really shaped my fall. In October, I wrote 29/31 days on the topic of grace. In December, a blog I wrote was published on a women’s online community. I like the way that writing helps me process, and gives me an outlet; words bring life into the monotony.
  5. Even though each adoptive family I talk to tells me that there’s nothing special about them, I beg to differ. Working with families on their adoption journeys is a privilege for me, and a highlight of my year. I have had such encouraging conversations with families who are beginning the adoption process, or finally bringing their children home. The sacrifice they demonstrate on behalf of the child who they are committed to parenting to truly moving.

Oh, 2014, you’ve been a great year. Thanks for the countless memories. I’m thankful to serve a faithful God who has orchestrated such special moments.