Ready or Not, Christmas is Here

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

Christmas came quickly this year. As it does every year. The week before Christmas, as I’m receiving Christmas cards from friends, gifts from co-workers and scrambling to finish wrapping my family’s gifts, I promise myself that I’ll be more prepared next year. The next year comes and there are cards left unwritten, some written without postage, and others missing addresses. I sit back in the days leading up to Christmas and sigh, saying, “I had the best of intentions.” But intentions alone do not get things done.

It’s almost as in a game of hide and seek, Christmas counts very quickly and then yells, “Ready or not, here I come.” I’m the hider and I’m not quite in my hiding place yet. And so I scramble.

But what does ready really look like this time of year? Perfectly wrapped presents, shiny ornaments, pretty outfits, thought-out meals, cards in the mail. Even with all of these outward things done, or once we’ve resigned ourselves to them remaining “good enough”, can’t we feel unprepared? I know I do.

I’m not ready for Christmas yet. There’s a restlessness in my heart that remains unsettled. I haven’t been faithful enough in my Advent bible study. There’s some habitual sin that keeps rearing its ugly head. There are ways to serve others and yet, I haven’t found the motivation. My heart and soul are as unprepared for the season as the outward manifestations of the holidays. In my game of hide and seek, once I’ve found my perfect hiding spot, I am not ready to be found.

And yet that is the story of Christmas. Christ comes. “The word became flesh and made its dwelling among us.” He came to dwell in the chaos, conflict and cacophony; with us. He comes into the mess of our best intentions. He comes into our unprepared hearts. He comes, whether we’re ready or not. He invites us to receive the best gift there is – Himself. He comes down from heaven, in the form of a baby who will die for our sins, and He is okay with our unpreparedness. He does not judge our messy, imperfect homes, He knows our broken hearts, and yet He comes.

I’m thankful that he comes. He comes into the chaos of my life and ushers in a better way – His way. He is okay with my unpreparedness, both externally and internally. He is getting me there. He meets me, in my hiding spot as I am with open hands and an open heart. He comes and I am found.

So tomorrow I am thankful to celebrate a Savior who came to meet me and comes to meet me every day in the middle of unfinished and imperfect circumstances. And I look forward to His and my final meeting, when chaos will exist no more and all will be made right again.

Monday Lovin’

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

It’s the second to last Monday of 2014. Where did the year go? Something about the year ending and something else beginning makes me a little sentimental… who am I kidding? I’m always sentimental. I wish I could say all my Christmas presents were wrapped and I was packed for vacation, but sadly, I’m not. So before I procrastinate any further, here are the things I’m loving as this week kicks off.

1. I thought I was going to send Christmas cards this year. I mailed probably 10 out of the 20 that I intended to write and send. Snaps to my friends who sent all of theirs! The side of our fridge is covered with Christmas cards. I love seeing the photos of my friends from all over the world, that they’ve sent me this holiday season. It’s a great reminder of all the special people I have in my life. Plus, it livens up our kitchen!

2. Also on the topic of friendship, the 2nd Annual Christmas at the Crossing was on Friday night. Christmas at the Crossing is our apartment’s Christmas party. It is the best feeling to be in a room, celebrating Christmas, eating great food and drinking fun drinks with some of your best college friends. Every get together almost prompts me to send Cru a thank you note – “Thanks for my life-long best friends” is what it would read. I got ready with two of my best girl friends and then just spent good time with friends the rest of the night. Some days I wish I could back and relive my last two years of college, but Friday night was a reminder that what I have now is even better.

Christmas at the crossing 20143. I like Chipotle. I love Chipotle when it’s dinner on my break during holiday season. It seriously hit the spot tonight.

4. I’m not the most organized person. As a recovering perfectionist, I give myself grace for this. However, I love outfit planning. I sit down at the beginning of the week, with the weather predictions and my schedule, and I plan my outfits. It saves stress in the mornings, and helps me to wear more of what is in my closet. It also prevents me from buying something midweek at work because, “I have nothing to wear.”

I’m excited for two days of work this week and then Christmas vacation! I haven’t had 5 days off since this summer, and we’re traveling to Seattle this week to meet our family’s latest addition. Happy Holidays!

Monday Lovin’

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

Happy Monday! It’s the last full week of work before Christmas and I could not be more excited. I cannot wait to give the gifts to my family that I’ve been collecting since September. I’m one of those weird shoppers that starts Christmas shopping in the early fall the first time I see something that someone may like. Only ten more days until gift exchange time! Monday Lovin’ this week is almost as exciting as ten days until Christmas… not really, but maybe you’ll think so!

  1. I was grocery shopping with a headache on Friday night, so my normal thought process at Kroger was not present. On a whim, I bought Zesty Cheddar Ranch Cheez-It’s. Oh my goodness, they are so good. No regrets with that purchase, although you usually cannot go wrong with Cheez-It’s. I usually try to avoid them because they are not good for you, at all, but they are one of my favorite snack foods. Yum!
  1. In 10th grade, we read To Kill A Mockingbird. I failed the test. I’ve spent the past 7 years hating the classic novel because I have terrible memories from studying it. This year, in light of the Ferguson trial, and injustice in general, I’ve picked up the book again. I love the characterization. My bad memories are being replaced with fascination.
  1. I left church yesterday with the biggest smile on my face. I spent the summer I lived at home praying for a church body to join, not knowing what city I would end up in, or the type of church it would be. Eighteen months later, I continue to be reminded of God’s faithfulness and I delight in the ways He answered the prayers. Despite being a fast growing church and from a church fellowship known for producing megachurches, Harvest Bible Chapel North Indy feels truly like a church family to me. I am so encouraged watching others walk with Jesus, give sacrificially and take the great commission seriously. I’ve learned that church is so much more than what the preacher teaches from the pulpit on Sunday morning, it’s a community, a family.
  1. Starbucks is doing 15 days of Christmas for Gold Card members. I love it. I got 5 bonus stars yesterday just for buying a Christmas drink, since that was the promotion of the day. I’m that much closer to a free drink, which are the BEST. I love being rewarded for spending money!
  1. The New Year is almost here. I’m so excited for 2015 and have been thinking through and praying through some goals. I cannot wait to share them in the next couple weeks.

Another crazy week kicks off today. Retail working and holiday season don’t combine super well, but I’m thankful for another week.

Fear

Published on by Caitlin Snyder1 Comment

I’ve been responsible for merchandising Crewcuts at my J.Crew store officially since August, but unofficially for a little longer than that. At least once a month, I sit down with our concept book, which corporate mails to us, I review which product we are due to receive during the week and I come up with a plan. This plan is based on the concept book, but I adjust it to work for our specific store based on what clothes we have in store, what we will be receiving and how our store is set up. I’m starting to get the hang of it. I like how the organization leaves space for creativity. And yet, once the plan is made and I have to start moving things around, I stand in the middle of my Crewcuts room at the back of the store, start feeling very overwhelmed and I want to quit. In a dramatic fashion complete with a temper tantrum.

The task at hand suddenly seems impossible and not worth dealing with.

I spend about five minutes huffing and puffing, unsure where to begin, and even if I want to. Without even beginning, it’s like the clothes win.

Somewhere along the way, at the beginning of a large task, I’ve adopted the mindset that it’s easier to quit before I even start. I sabotage my own success by convincing myself that I’m not capable. There’s a small voice in my head saying, “Caitlin, you’ll never be great at this, so why even try? Just walk away.”

Unfortunately, this voice is not just in my head oncea month during rollout week at J.Crew. This voice, which I’ve identified as fear, rears its ugly head almost daily. It’s there when I follow-up with prospective adoptive families, it’s there when I write our monthly newsletter, it’s there when ask a co-worker a spiritual question, it’s there when I want to reach out to a friend who I haven’t talked with in a while, it’s there when I step on the treadmill, and when I sit down to write a blog. I can’t seem to fully escape the voice in my head encouraging me to stay on familiar, well-worn paths instead of taking a step into the uncomfortable. This voice justifies the decision to stay good, instead of reaching for great. Fear fights to maintain the mundane and mediocre.

Thankfully, I am able to take the first step in merchandising and move one item of clothing. Once it is moved, there is no going back, and ten minutes later three or four things are in their new locations and my confidence is back. I start to realize the vision and my heart gets excited. I send the email and receive a response; I start the formatting on the monthly newsletter and hit save. If I’m feeling particularly brave, I text a friend I haven’t spoken with in a while, step on the treadmill, or shut my door, sit down at my desk and let my fingers move across the keyboard. And I find my rhythm.

Suddenly, being great doesn’t matter near as much as trying to be better. Fear is powerful, it can paralyze me, but it does not have to. There’s a split second decision that I can make to either let fear win or try. It is always going to be easier to quit at the beginning, and since I have a flair for the dramatic, the tempter tantrum may be fun, but then fear wins. The stakes are too high to quit without trying.

When fear says, “Why does it matter? Why even try?” It suddenly isn’t about the task anymore. Whatever the task at hand, it matters because I matter; my voice and my experiences matter. If I let fear win, even it it’s clothes, fear begins to move into the bigger things. The high stakes things. Fear has the ability to restrain me; to hold me back from the things I’ve dreamed my whole life of doing, the things God has hardwired me to do. If I’m not careful, I will end my life with a long list of good intentions and tasks I was too scared to try.

When I step out in confidence and faith in the small, seemingly unimportant tasks, I’m practicing for when the task is writing a book, telling a story, teaching about Christ or casting vision for serving orphans. If I learn to let fear win, it will gain momentum, hold me back and I may never experience the fullness that God has called me to. I don’t doubt the power of fear. I also don’t doubt the power of faith.

When fear yells at me, questioning my capabilities, preparedness or importance, I whisper back my belief in God, and therefore belief in myself. Belief in a God who has called me to take baby-steps even when they are uncomfortable. Those baby-steps are paving the way for big steps, but if I’m not careful, fear will win, and I’ll never know the greatness of the life that God has in store for me.

IMG_2591

Monday Lovin’

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

It seems like Monday rolls around so quickly and it’s back to the grind. I find myself wanting just one more day of the weekend – to workout without a time limit, read without worrying about the time, and to write my heart out, but Monday morning comes once again. I’m thankful that Sami began Monday Lovin’ because it encourages me to be positive on a Monday instead of dragging my feet through the day.

IMG_2644-0

  1. This weekend I made a 24-hour trip back to Cincinnati to watch Jake play some soccer and basketball, but more importantly to see Elf! It was a great show with fun choreography, singing and an endearing message about the importance of the Christmas Spirit. This year I’ve truly tried to focus on the reason for the season instead of spending it exhausted, trying to jam pack extra work and every seasonal activity. I’m chosen rest over exhaustion, trying to get into the Christmas Spirit, focusing on Jesus. I loved seeing excitement over Christmas throughout the show.
  2. I’ve been spending each morning with the She Reads Truth Advent study. The book is beautiful and it’s so great to read through the scripture passages prophesying about Baby Jesus. I continue to be amazed by Him and how a baby born in a manager was the answer to sin, death, and destruction. His birth and life fulfilled thousands of yIMG_2632ears of prophecies.
  3. Our apartment celebrated Mackenzie’s 25th birthday over the weekend. She moved into the apartment in October, and since her move to Indy she has already made so many fun friends. I loved having the opportunity to meet people from all of her circles of friends. She is a truly special friend to me – we were sorority sisters in college, prayed for our sorority SO MUCH, were in Bible Study together and have continued to remain friends even after graduation. Birthdays are my favorite because it’s a chance to celebrate someone for who they are! (I give gifts of alcohol and J.Crew goodies)
  4. I’m going to be a broken record, but I still cannot get enough of Taylor Swift’s latest CD. I keep listening to it. Not only are the songs upbeat and pop-py, but the writing is incredible.

 

I hope your week is off to a great start! I choosing to make this week wonderful!

Come Out of Hiding

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

20141204-Snyder-GodSeesYou

Over the weekend, my roommate attempted to spray paint our kitchen table chairs. We carried four solid wood chairs down a flight of stairs and set them on a piece of cardboard in the grass outside of our apartment. We proceeded to spray paint them red. It was a DIY nightmare. The spray paint ran and did not cover the chairs evenly. The red was too bright and did not dry well.

Read the rest over at InCourage.

Monday Lovin’

Published on by Caitlin Snyder1 Comment

Happy Monday! Well this Monday comes after four days off of work for most people. For those in the retail life, it was one of the busiest weekends of the year. Lucky me got a little bit of both – Thursday and Friday off work and then a crazy weekend at J.Crew with holiday shopping in full swing.

  1. Sparkle! What better way to jump into the holiday season than with sparkles – everywhere. My fingernails are painted with glitter in both gold and silver hues; I plan on keeping them that way for the next month. I’m not always a fan of sparkle and glitter, but lately I’ve been digging it, and I have no doubt that part of it has to do with Christmas decorations and it being the season when glitter is not only accepted, but encouraged.
  2. Food: I think I may be full for the next week, even longer when I remember the leftovers that my mom sent me back to Indianapolis with. My sister made an excellent pumpkin dip that I’m currently eating with a side of sweet potato casserole.
  3. Today we had a brainstorming session at work. It was so fun to have all my co-workers in one room thinking through ways we can better find families for the children who deserve them. I cannot wait to put some of our ideas into practice, flush out our vision and come up with some ways to measure success.
  4. Forty miles in November. After a couple weeks of not tracking my miles, I wanted to return to the discipline and commit. For anyone, runner or not, wanting to get in shape, I recommend goal setting and monthly goals are a great place to start. You can have an off week and not ruin it, but the end is close enough that you don’t lose motivation.
  5. “Good enough is the enemy of great.” I’m trying to push through the temptation to be “good enough” and reach for more. I’ll be the first to admit that there are times when good enough has to be okay, but there are times when it’s just easier to settle. I don’t want to let myself settle for average and mediocrity, I want to be great.

Hope your Monday has kicked off your December on the right foot. It’s a big week for me – check back on Thursday to read my blog on InCourage.

Experiences & Advent

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

My whole life I have lived as a white middle-class white female. It has been my reality for over 23 years. It is how the world views me, and it’s more than skin deep. It has shaped how I view the world, cultures, employment, and others. More than living as a white middle-class white female, I am the only one who has ever lived my life. There never has been and never will be another Caitlin Snyder who has lived the same life as me. The life I’ve lived has influenced and continues to influence my perspective and my decisions. Harper Lee, in her book, To Kill a Mockingbird, speaks of this concept. Atticus Finch says to his daughter Scout, “You never really understand a person until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” Yes. Thank you Atticus Finch, you may be a fictional character, but that statement packs a punch to the gut. This is commentary on race, but it’s more than that, it’s a comment on our own experiences; they are that – our own experiences. I once told my high school English teacher that I wanted to sit down and ask a person of each race questions about how they viewed their race, discrimination and their experience. She kindly reminded me that even if that was possible, we could not generalize one person of the race’s experience to every one. Experiences differ not just based on race, but on the person’s own view points, identity, upbringing, education, and the infinitely other factors that influence us.

My family sat around on Wednesday night and talked about the Michael Brown case. My mind has not been able to stop thinking about it. I do not know what it is like to be a cop, nor do I know what is like to be a young adult black male. More specifically, I haven’t had the opportunity to walk about Michael Brown’s skin, nor Darren Wilson’s skin. I’m deeply troubled. My heart breaks for the community of Ferguson, for the Wilson and Brown families. My heart breaks for the losses that families experience everyday, due to race, class and gender violence, and communities that are plagued with injustice. Truly, my heart breaks.

But today we celebrate the beginning of advent. The season when Christians look back and reflect on God coming to the earth as a tiny baby who would save us from our sins. This is the season that celebrates “the word [becoming] flesh and [making] his dwelling among us” (John 1). Jesus left a perfect throne and put on human skin, entering into our experience. Our messy, imperfect, fallen experience. He injected hope, via Himself, into our human experience.

He didn’t fix the experience by giving us more money, providing political stability or curing cancer, but what he gave us was so much more. Peace, hope, grace, joy, and the ability to look towards a perfect end. A heavenly end, without heartbreak, hurt or pain. Weeks like these I long for that end, when the suffering is no more. I cry out to the Lord asking Him to come back and restore things to the way they should be, not the way they are.

I wait in eager expectation for my Savior to save me once and for all. And so during Advent, I will choose to focus on Christ. My peace. My hope. My rescuer. Over two thousand years ago, He was born as a baby in a manger, he lived as a man; he died a brutal death on the cross and rose again. He will come again, to save us once and for all, from the death, destruction, pain, suffering and sin. Until then, I remember the limitations of my own experience, I pray for justice, I seek the Lord for guidance and understanding, and I look forward in anticipation of the coming of Christ.

Monday Lovin’

Published on by Caitlin SnyderLeave a comment

I have fifty more minutes of Monday to get my Monday Lovin’ posted, and even though discipline is hard as a primary motivation, God honors showing up. So without further ado, this Monday (with the 45 minutes left in it), I’m loving…

1) My new J.Crew Abstract Fair Isle Sweater. Nice and cozy, and oh so festive! Red, pink and gray, man, I think I may be in love! I’ll be wearing it once a week for the next month, trying to get all of the use out of it until it heads back into my closet until next holiday season. Some people do summer loves, I do holiday loves… except instead of boys, they’re clothes.

2) Gift giving – I love shopping. Especially for my friends and family. It’s even better when I can find special gifts that I know that will mean a lot to the specific person. I have lots of notes to write, but just a couple more gifts to buy. December 25th is going to be here before I know it.

3) Taylor Swift’s new CD. Yes, I said it. Me and everyone else. Obsessed. Blank Space has been on repeat (3 times in a 5 mile treadmill run). Welcome to New York is also a favorite. Listen to it, it’s upbeat and poppy – exactly what I need to listen to while working holiday retail hours.

4) Family time! I cannot wait to drink mimosas, watch football and cuddle on the couches at my parents house all day on Thursday. It’s the best. We do a low-key, just the 5 of us Thanksgiving that has quickly become one of my favorite holiday traditions. We seldom spend time with just us, that I relish every moment of it.

It’s a short week, and I hope to make the most of my downtime on Thursday and Friday. Happy Thanksgiving!

Monday Lovin’

Published on by Caitlin Snyder1 Comment

It’s Monday and there’s snow on the ground. If it has to be Monday and winter weather, I like that there’s snow on the ground. At least I like it right now, in January I may be cursing the snow, but I today I think it’s magical. Winter is has arrived and is bringing with it fresh snow to usher in the holiday season.

Speaking of the holiday season, it’s HERE! At J.Crew! I spent yesterday morning doing creative installs – when we decorate our windows. To get us in the holiday spirit, this involved ornaments bigger than me and large sequins. It brought back memories of December living in Phi Mu. Right after Thanksgiving, the house was transformed into a magical holiday mansion that smelled like apple cinnamon. I love the warmth of the holiday season! Thanksgiving and Christmas bring me joy – giddy, bounce on the balls of my feet – joy!

It’s basketball season, which as an IU grad that means one thing — #iubb is back! My senior year, IU was ranked 1 for most of the season. I have such fun memories of playing IU basketball drinking games, watching the games at Nicks, having behind the basket seats to one of the games (the infamous “Call 911, Will Sheehey stole my heart” sign), beating Michigan who was ranked #1 at the time, watching the game at a roof top bar on spring break, and lots of cheesy bread (and Blue Moon). I’m realizing how nostalgic I am for college, and IU basketball being back only brings back special memories with great friends.

Working in retail has some benefits, one being that I usually know when things are on sale. The past two months I’ve really lucked out with finding things on sale or when they’re damaged. It’s a shame that it’s snowing because I am in love with the new fall jacket I just bought. It’s olive green with really pretty gold buttons. It’s also long and hooded. I like clothes, it may just be God’s grace in a season of life where I’m surrounded by them while trying to pay off my student loans.

This Monday I’m loving snow, IU basketball, and clothes. This week, as Beth Moore taught me about joy, I’m reminded that it is because of Him that I know what joy is. He gives every perfect gift. He does not withhold good things. October took it out of me and now halfway through November, I’m thankful that Jesus, not my circumstances, is the source of my joy. I pray that today is the start of a week where i will choose joy in all circumstances!